In Dreams
by butterflyswest
Summary: Can dreams heal even mortal wounds? What about wounds of the heart? Ray and Neela discover if they really can.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello, everyone! Yes, its a new story...lol! This one has been in the works since previews began to come out for the season finale back in May. We've just been working on a couple of other projects, trying to finish them up before we started something new. The one...well...that one isn't done yet, but this wouldn't wait any longer. We hope you like it. It's far from finished so don't worry:D Please let us know what you think. We welcome any and all comments you make._

_Yours, as always,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

1

They were at the grave when his phone rang for the second time. Pratt glanced down at it and scowled. He cursed inwardly. Didn't they understand that he was trying to bury his best friend? Couldn't they manage one friggin day without him? He sighed, fighting the urge to just pitch the damn thing and tried to tell himself that they wouldn't be calling unless it was urgent. Everyone knew what this day had meant to him.

"There's something going on at the ER," he said quietly, looking up from the display.

She still sat, her tear-stained face fixed into lines of grief. He didn't know what else to say to ease her pain. He didn't know what he could say that would ease his own. He'd said all he could, but it hadn't seemed to help either of them. The pain was still too close; the wound too raw to be healed with mere words.

"Neela."

She looked at him as if she were just becoming aware of his presence.

"I have to go. There's something going down at the ER."

She nodded and rose from the seat, casting a long look at the grave, her face set with determination.

"I'm ready."

"I'll just have the driver drop you at home before…"

"I'm going to the ER with you," she broke in.

He stared at her incredulously.

"You're not going?" he said, the words coming out like a question. He couldn't believe that she would go to work when she had just buried her husband. They could manage without her there.

"I have to do something besides feeling sorry for myself," she told him, wiping her face with the palms of her hands. "If they're calling you in, then they must need all the help they can get."

"Neela, you don't have to…"

"Yes, I do," she insisted sharply, giving him her best haughty frown. "I have nothing else." She laughed harshly, sounding just this side of hysterical. "I don't even have a home."

Her face twisted for a moment, and he thought she would start crying again. Instead, she took a deep breath; her eyes closed, and seemed to pull herself together.

"Take me with you or I'll find my own way."

He wanted to argue with her. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her to just go home, but seeing the stony look on her face changed his mind. Pratt sighed, knowing that it was futile to argue with her when she was like this. She could be stubborn as an old mule when she really wanted to be.

"All right. Let's move."

0000000

_What the hell..? _was all Ray had time to think before all hell did break loose. His first instinct was to duck behind the counter, but realized suddenly that that was futile. The bullets were ripping through the flimsy wood without pause, blowing splinters free to fly across the floor and offering no protection whatsoever. He frantically scanned reception and froze. Abby was at the desk, ducking down behind the counter.

He didn't give it a second thought. Ray ran across reception toward Abby, trying to keep his head down as the bullets started flying in her direction. Christ! If she got hit then Luka would go insane. The board shattered around them as a stray bullet hit it, raining glass and debris down over them. He caught her as she fell, twisting his body to shield her from the majority of the shards. Pain stabbed him in his back, and he grunted as the burning agony spread throughout his chest. They fell together, his body taking the brunt of the impact. More pain sliced through him and his breath was forced from his lungs. Not that he cared. It hurt too much to breathe anyway.

They lay there, in a puddle of glass and broken wood, listening to the screams and gunfire. The sounds of running feet and shouting were all that Abby heard as she squeezed her eyes shut. _Please let everyone be OK_, she thought frantically, followed closely by _Please let Luka be OK._ The litany seemed to run over and over in her mind, alternating back and forth into an insane little melody in her head. Deep heavy voices called the all clear, and she raised her head slowly. Her eyes snapped open at the sound of Morris's voice calling for help, and she thought that she would just stop breathing then. _Oh, God!_ she thought. _Who's hurt? _Other voices were giving orders, calling for Luka. She pushed herself off of Ray and looked down at him.

"Are you all right?" she asked. It was a shock to her that she hadn't crushed him when she'd come down on top of him. She had gotten as big as a whale in the last month. No matter what, she would always be grateful to him. He'd saved her and the baby from being killed. She frowned when he didn't respond and leaned forward to check his pulse.

"Ray?" she said tentatively, when she found his pulse weak and thready.

It was then that she noticed the spreading stain across the floor beneath him. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight. _Oh, shit, _she thought, her breath coming in short gasps. _This cannot be happening…_

"I need a gurney over here!" she screamed out, yanking her stethoscope from her pocket. "Oh, come on!" she muttered through clenched teeth as she listened; only finding a faltering heartbeat. She didn't even glance up as quick footsteps crunched in the glass on the floor beside her.

"Jesus!" Morris said, crouching beside her. "What the hell happened?"

Abby shot him a look so fierce that he would have just died if that were possible.

"What the hell do you think happened?" she snarled. "Just do your damn job and help me get him to a trauma room."

He gave her an odd look before he turned and started shouting for anyone to come and help. At that point, Abby didn't care who came just so long as Ray was taken to a trauma room. If she could have, she would have just lifted him to a gurney herself. He'd saved her child and her. He would get everything he needed if she had to see to it personally. She didn't move until the two orderlies lifted him carefully to the gurney and started rolling him away. Then she was on her feet beside them.

"Who else got hurt?" she asked Morris, surprised to find him on the other side of Ray.

"Jerry," he said with a grimace. "I cannot believe that this is happening."

"Believe it," she said. "How bad is he?"

"Bad," he answered shortly as he began to assess Ray's injuries. "A shot to the chest…and…another one for Barnett. Beautiful."

Abby felt her blood go cold. Goddammit! She started working, calling orders as Morris ran toward Trauma One to check on Jerry. She ignored the officer that came into the room asking questions until he annoyed her. She shouted for him to get out, and he thankfully left. Unless someone was dying, she didn't care what injuries they had, and he had looked perfectly healthy to her.

"Chuni, call down for O neg…all you can get. Jesus! He's losing blood too fast. Call the OR and have them on standby. As soon as I get him stabilized he's going up whether they're ready or not."

Chuni ran to the phone on the wall and started dialing, her voice a drone in Abby's subconscious. All she could do was focus on her patient. If she stopped and thought about who this was, she really would go insane. She'd never thought to be working on a friend. Especially not a friend who had saved her life.

"What the hell happened here?"

The voice cut through the intense concentration that Abby had sealed herself in. She glanced up as she finished intubating to find Kerri Weaver standing in the doorway.

"We could use a little help here," Abby said without slowing down. "Bag him," she ordered Chuni.

Kerri stared at her for a long moment before she took the offered trauma gown and crossed the room. Her eyes widened at the sight of Ray's face.

"Oh my God!" she breathed.

"He's losing blood from somewhere but damned if I know where," Abby said in frustration.

The pulse ox monitor began to scream at them.

"He's losing pressure," Chuni called out, sounding almost hysterical.

"Son of a bitch!" Abby ground out between clenched teeth. "Push the saline until we can get blood in here."

"We don't have time for surgery to get their asses down here," Weaver said. She grabbed a scalpel from the tray. "We'll have to open him up and find the bleed."

Abby raised her eyes to fix her with a look of shock. Weaver glared right back, undaunted by the look.

"I'm chief of staff here," she said. "If surgery has a problem with me doing their job for them, then they can complain later." She leaned forward and began to cut across Ray's chest. "Where the hell is Luka?" she muttered with a grimace.

A brief flash of fear and pain went through Abby like a lightning bolt. That was a good question. One she didn't have time to contemplate. She couldn't think of Luka right now. Not if she wanted to save Ray. She blinked back tears and watched as Weaver worked, following orders just as she had when she was an intern. It was scary how easily she fell back into that old routine. Weaver giving orders. Abby following them, feeling totally incompetent.

Morris burst in and skidded to a halt as he saw what Kerri was doing.

"Are you even supposed to do that?" he asked incredulously.

Weaver ignored him.

"How's Jerry?" Abby asked.

"Stable enough to go up to OR," he answered. "They need his next of kin forms."

Another stab of fear took Abby's breath away. It had never occurred to her that one of them could die. It had never even crossed her mind. They were in a hospital for Christ's sake! She glanced down at Ray, and realized that she didn't have the slightest idea who to call for him. She knew that Jerry had a mother, but Ray…She didn't even know if his parents were still alive.

"I'll get them," she said dully. "Take over for me, Morris."

Morris took her place as she moved aside.

Abby stripped off her gloves and tossed them, not caring where they landed. She pushed through the doors into still more chaos. Hospital staff and police officers were still running around, seemingly without purpose. Without someone there to direct them, they were running in circles. With Morris in with Ray and Luka MIA, there was no one else. She grabbed a nurse on her way by.

"I need you to do something for me."

"What?" The girl was new and Abby couldn't for the life of her remember her name. Her blue eyes were wide and startled looking. She was shaking as if she were frozen to the bone. Abby knew exactly how she was feeling.

"Get on the phone and start calling in every available doctor, nurse, orderly…whatever. Call them and get them in here now."

"But…"

"No buts!" Abby snapped. "I don't care what you have to tell them to get them here, just get them here."

The girl nodded and went to reception, seeming glad to have someone tell her what to do. Abby went with her, stepping over shattered wood, her feet crunching in broken glass. She gingerly stepped over the blood on the floor where Ray had been, pointedly ignoring it, and yanked open the drawer that held the files for the staff. Her fingers skimmed quickly over the tabs on the folders and pulled out the files she needed, tucking them under her arm. She spun around and went to the lounge where it would be quieter. It was bad enough that she had to make these phone calls without the recipients hearing screaming in the background.

She opened Jerry's file and scanned down until she found his mother's number. She winced as she heard the woman's voice answer and did what she could to keep calm. Abby could hear the tears in her voice, though she tried to be strong. By the time Abby hung up, she was ready to cry herself. She swallowed back the urge, and opened Ray's file. Just one more call to make, and she could get back to what she knew best. She had never been good at this emotional crap anyway.

She froze as her finger came to rest on the line that read "Next of Kin". Her breath faltered as the full impact of the black and white words typed neatly in the box truly meant.

"Oh my God, Ray," she breathed, shocked to her core. She turned with the file still in her hand and shoved through the door. She jogged back to Trauma Two to find that Morris and Kerri were still working on him. They glanced up as she entered, but went right back to work.

"Did you get the files?" Morris asked tightly, placing a clamp precisely where Kerri told him to.

"Yes."

"Well, did you make the calls?"

"I called Jerry's mom. She's on her way now."

Kerri looked at her through the safety glasses at her odd tone.

"And Barnett?"

"I think…I think we have a problem with that."

"What's that?"

Abby took a deep breath and closed her eyes. _This couldn't be happening…_

"Ray listed Neela as his next of kin," she said bluntly.

Kerri and Morris both snapped their heads around to look at her as if they couldn't believe their ears.

"Excuse me?"

"Neela is his next of kin," Abby repeated. "That's what it says here. She's the only one authorized to make any decisions about him."

"Which is one hell of a problem at the moment," Kerri snapped. "She is at her husband's funeral isn't she?"

"Uh…yeah."

"Call Pratt. You know he'll have his phone on. Get him and her here now."

Abby whirled from the room. She didn't need to be told twice. She was halfway across the ER when the doors opened and Pratt stepped in, looking dazed. Abby paused, about to start grilling him about Neela, when she came through the doors as well.

Her eyes were red rimmed from crying, and she still wore the black dress that she had worn to the funeral. She caught sight of Abby and took a step forward.

The first thought that went through Neela's mind at the sight of the devastation was Ray. Where was he? She saw Abby standing there staring at her with wide eyes and relaxed. Abby was ok. Ray would be ok. He was probably in with a trauma. Her eyes drifted lower and her breath caught at the sight of a large red stain on Abby's maternity shirt.

"What the hell is this?" Pratt demanded, his eyes wide with shock.

"I don't have time to go into detail," Abby said shortly. "Weaver and Morris need your help in Trauma Two." When he didn't move, she frowned and stepped forward. "Move, dammit! There's no time for this."

He got moving, stripping off his sport coat as he went. Abby turned to Neela and took her arm.

"Come with me, we have to talk."

"Abby, I thought you said there wasn't time…" Neela began as Abby dragged her to the lounge and swung her in. "What the hell is wrong with you? They need help out there!"

"Yeah, they do," Abby said. She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut before she leaned forward to look directly in Neela's eyes. "Honey, Ray was hurt."

Neela felt her world tilt on its axis yet again. How many shocks could she take before she just fell apart. First her husband and now Ray.

"Hurt," she repeated dully, her heart beating faster. "He'll be all right."

"I don't know at this point," Abby said bluntly. "He was hit in the back and it looks like it tore through his chest."

Neela took a step back, shaking her head.

"This isn't funny, Abby."

"I'm not trying to be, sweetie."

Neela took a deep breath and looked back toward the doors. She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't believe it until she had seen for herself. She went to the door and pushed it open just as a gurney went flying past surrounded by Morris, Pratt, and Weaver. Neela had one moment to glimpse the face of the patient and thought that her heart really would stop beating.

"Ray!"

Abby caught her before she could move after them.

"They're taking him to the OR, Neela. You know as well as any that every second counts."

"Dammit, Abby, let me go!" she cried, fresh tears streaking down her face. "I have to be there…"

"You have to calm down and listen to me," Abby said, taking her shoulders in a tight grip. "Do you know why Ray would put you down as his next of kin?"

Neela froze and turned her eyes from the hall to stare at her.

"I'm what?"

"You are his next of kin. He listed you."

_Oh my God!_ Neela thought. She couldn't think, she could barely breathe. She didn't hear the cries of the wounded behind her or the shouts of nurses as they called for more supplies. All she could see was the look in his eyes as she had gotten into the taxi that night, and the pain in his eyes as he had looked at her on the roof. All she heard were his words echoing over and over in her head. _You're the best friend I've ever had…_

She wrenched herself from Abby's grip and ran toward the lift. She started jabbing buttons frantically. Bloody hell! What was taking so long?

"Come on," she muttered, ignoring Abby as she came up beside her.

"Do you know why, Neela?"

"No, I don't. But if I am, then I need to be up there. I have to be…"

_With him…_her mind finished for her. New agony sliced through her as the elevator doors opened. She shoved through the occupants and hit the button for the surgical floor. She was surprised to find Abby there with her.

"Why are you here?" she asked. It was rude, but she didn't care. All she could think of was Ray, alone, hurting. Perhaps dying…

She slammed and locked the door on that. She wouldn't consider that possibility. Not now, not ever.

When the doors opened, she ran out without waiting for Abby, and down to reception.

"A trauma was just brought in here," she said frantically to the startled looking nurse. "Dr. Ray Barnett. What OR is he in?"

"I can't give you…"

"You'll give it if I have to beat it from you," Neela shouted. "Where?"

"Four," the nurse said in a small voice. "But you can't go in there!"

Neela was already down the hall. She'd go in there if she bloody well wanted to. She was a surgical resident for Christ's sake.

"Neela! Wait!"

She looked over her shoulder to find Abby doing her best to keep up. She slowed a little.

"I'm going in, Abby. Don't try to talk me out of it."

"Neela, what you should be doing right now is signing papers. If he needs…"

The doors to four opened up and Dr. Albright stepped out dressed in scrubs, her face fixed into the familiar sneer. She caught sight of Abby and Neela and stopped.

"Dr. Rasgotra! I'm surprised to see you here." Her eyes flicked to Abby, and she frowned. "Did you get ahold of his next of kin?"

"Uh…yeah," Abby said, and gave Neela a significant look. Albright's eyes widened.

"You're shitting me, right?" Looking from her to Neela and back again. Abby shook her head. Albright sighed and turned to Neela.

"The bullet entered his lung through the back. That would have been bad enough, but it hit a rib in his chest and bounced back. His aorta has been nicked and we're doing all we can to stop the bleeding."

"Is he going to die?" Neela asked, holding on by only a thread. What she wanted to do was just collapse in a heap and cry. Wail out every ounce of her grief.

"We're not sure. What I want to know, is how much do you want …"

Neela felt her mouth drop open. She knew what she was being asked, but couldn't believe that the woman had had the outright gall to ask her. She took a step forward. Though Albright was taller than she was…almost everyone was…she took a step back from her.

"Don't you let him die," Neela said harshly. "Save him. I don't care what it takes, you just save him."

Albright inclined her head before glancing at Abby.

"Make sure she fills out the proper forms, Lockhart."

Neela watched the OR doors close, blocking her view of Albright and the rest of the surgical team. Slowly she turned to face Abby. She had expected her to have accusation in her eyes. Instead, all she found was compassion. Neela shook her head. She supposed that she owed her an explanation, but she was too raw right now to do so. Instead, she covered her face in her hands and gave rein to her tears. She sobbed against Abby's shoulder as she put her arms around her.

"Oh, God, Abby!" she choked out. "I don't know if I could take it if anything happens to him. I just don't…"

Abby said nothing, as tears pricked her own eyes. The pain in her friend's voice was more than she could bear. Abby didn't have the answers that would help her. She wished that she did. All she could do now, was hold Neela as she cried, and pray that Ray would come through.

She didn't know what Neela would do if he didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

_Happy Fourth of July, everyone! Yeah, we've come back with another chapter to celebrate...We want to thank everyone who has read and/or reviewed the last chapter. Much thanks to all of you. Please let us know what you think of this chapter too. We're like addicts for reviews...lol._

_As always, we are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

2

_Oh, shit, this sucks, _Ray thought miserably. First, Pratt had warned him away from Neela, then Morris had decided that being a doctor on his last day was not his style, and now this. His day had gone from suck to total crap in one split second. He hoped that Abby was okay, but Ray just couldn't seem to catch a damn break. He shook his head trying to dislodge the headache that was forming between his ears. A whining noise seemed to pierce through his brain.

_What the hell..?_

"Shit, shit, shit! He's crashing! Get those goddamn paddles over here!"

"Pressure's down to eighty!"

"Charge 'em. Come on people, we're supposed to be professionals here."

Ray opened his eyes and turned toward the voices. It sounded like Albright. He'd know that snotty voice anywhere. His breath slammed from him at what he found. His mouth opened, and he snapped it shut. Blue-gowned figures hovered over the figure on the table. The scream and whine of monitors—_so that's what that was—_was drowned out by their shouts. It was not the activity that had him paralyzed. He'd done his surgical rotation. He knew what an OR could be like. It was not the fact that he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there that had his gut clenched. It was the sight of the patient on the table. A patient that seemed to be dying.

It was him.

"Freaky as hell isn't it?" a voice asked from his right.

Ray spun around and suddenly knew that he had lost his mind. He would have laughed had he not been in complete shock. Hell, it already seemed that he'd lost his life, why not his mind too?

"You're dead," he said, knowing how stupid he sounded. "You can't…"

"Be here?" Gallant laughed. "Afraid so, man. Never could get anything by you, Barnett."

Ray frowned, some of the shock leaving him at the insult. He'd always had a feeling that Gallant didn't like him. Not that he'd cared. He'd had the band. He did his job. Okay, so maybe at the beginning he hadn't taken his job as a doctor seriously, but he had changed. Pain sliced through his chest. That was wrong. _Neela_ had changed him.

But what the hell did he have now. Nothing, that was what. The band had abandoned him for the glitz and glamour of California. And Neela…Well, he'd never really had her except as a friend, and she wasn't even that anymore.

He looked again at Gallant standing there. He looked so…so normal. Dressed in jeans and a long sleeved button down shirt, he looked as if he was ready for a day in the park. He didn't look like a dead man standing in another dead man's dream.

"Why are you here?" Ray asked. Oh, yeah. That sounded sane. He was talking to a ghost. "If you're here to give me crap about Neela, I gotta tell you, I'm not in the mood. I've already had a shitty day."

Gallant offered a small smile.

"I know. That's why I'm here."

"Why? Because of my shitty day? What? Have I gone to hell?"

Gallant's smile widened.

"Not exactly. You're not dead."

Ray frowned again and glanced at the table. Albright's voice was still giving orders in that piercing voice of hers. The monitors were still screeching.

"You could have fooled me."

"Forget about that for a second, Barnett. You're missing the point. As usual."

Ray spun around to pin him with a glare.

"Listen, man, nothing ever happened between Neela and I."

"Oh, I know," Gallant said moving to stand beside him. He stuck his hands in his pockets and glanced back at the activity in the OR. Ray felt a wave of unreality wash over him again. If this was what death really was, then he was really, _really _having a shitty day. It wasn't enough that he'd gotten shot, but he had to deal with Neela's husband too.

"I need you to do me a favor, Barnett."

Ray laughed.

"I'm dead. I'm beyond doing favors."

Gallant turned his head to glare at him.

"You are not dead. Yet," he added significantly. "I know how much you care about Neela. It's amazing the things you suddenly find out once you die." One corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. "I need you to take care of her for me. I need you to fight so you can be there for her."

Ray looked away, bitter anger burning him.

"She doesn't want anything to do with me, Gallant."

"You and I both know that's not true. She's just stubborn as hell. I've known for a long time how you felt about her. I wasn't blind." He sighed. "It was one of the reasons that I went back to Iraq. I knew that if anything happened to me, that you would take care of her."

Ray could only stare at him. What the hell was this? His eyes drifted back to the surgeons in the OR. This had to be some kind of surrealistic nightmare. He really wasn't talking to Gallant about taking care of his wife. He'd just died for Christ's sake! Surely he couldn't…

"Yes, I do," the man said sincerely, and Ray glanced at him in surprise. "I do want her to move on." He laughed softly. "Contrary to popular belief, spirits do care if the living move on. It's what they're meant to do."

"Do you read minds now?"

Gallant smiled and shook his head.

"No, but I could tell what you were thinking just by the look on your face." He paused. "I want Neela to move on. I can't take care of her," he said with a shrug. "Hell, maybe I never could, but that's neither here nor there. You can. You'll take care of her and love her like she deserves."

Ray shook his head.

"I still don't get it. How am I supposed to take care of her when she won't talk to me? Not to mention…there's the little issue of me dying over there," he said, gesturing toward the table.

"That is in your hands," Gallant said, pulling his hands from his pockets. "You have to fight, man. Let me worry about Neela."

"You? What can you do?"

"You just make it through this." His face became grave as he looked at Ray, his eyes going dark. "She needs you, Barnett. More than she's willing to admit. You just make it…for her."

Ray opened his mouth to say something when the room began to spin. He staggered, giving Gallant a look of mute appeal. Michael just smiled before he, and the rest of the room, faded to nothing. His words followed Ray, echoing over and over as he fell into darkness.

_You just make it…for her._

000000

The waiting room wasn't empty. Jerry's mother had come in an hour after Neela had planted herself there and was now sitting in the corner praying. Neela would have comforted her, but she was too raw to do it. A rather large family had taken up an entire wall. Their voices and laughter grated on Neela's nerves to the point that she would have happily slapped the living crap out of each and every one of them. Fighting for some sort of control, she looked down at the file that she had taken from Abby and tried to make some sense of all of it.

Her name glared out at her from the paper in accusation. She had lived with him for two years, and he'd never said a word. Not one. She racked her brain, trying desperately to remember if he'd ever talked about family, but couldn't come up with anything. The pain in her chest seemed to double. Somehow, she knew that she wasn't just forgetting in her shock. He really had never said anything about his family, and that hurt. It made her ache for him. He truly was alone, and she…she had only made that worse.

She closed her eyes to stop fresh tears from falling. She had cried a river in the past hour and couldn't stand to cry anymore. She wasn't doing herself or Ray any good by weeping like a child. Nor did she want to cry in front of the family. Somehow the thought of perfect strangers seeing her guilt and fear was more than she could stand.

"Hey, kiddo. How ya holding up?"

Neela laughed shortly and opened her eyes to find Abby settling into the chair beside her.

"I'm about to go crazy," she admitted. "How's Luka?"

A fleeting look of mingled fear and worry crossed Abby's face before she hid it.

"He'll be fine," she said softly. It would take a long time before she could get past the fear she'd felt when she'd returned to the ER and had been told what happened to him. She would never forget the look in his eyes as he'd looked at her from the bed in Exam Two. She drew a deep breath and forced a smile. She wouldn't burden Neela with that right now. She had worries of her own.

"Have you heard anything?" Abby asked, shooting a glare at the family that was now laughing hysterically over God only knew what. Neela followed her gaze, feeling as if she were about to splinter.

"No, I haven't." She drew in a deep breath. "There should have been some word by now…" She broke off, her mind rejecting the thought that something had gone wrong or else she would have been brought word.

"I'm sure they would have told you if…" Abby broke off. She didn't want to go down that road either. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a long moment, neither one of them knowing quite what to say.

"I always thought that I knew him," Neela finally said, her voice no louder than a whisper. "I thought I knew most everything about him." She ran her hands through her hair distractedly. "I'm just confused, Abby. I just buried my husband, and now I'm Ray's next of kin." She gave a laugh that was more like a sob. "How strange is that?"

Abby laid her arm across Neela's shoulders and gave her a squeeze.

"I don't know, honey. I don't know any more than you do about why he would give your name. All I do know is that he saved me and the baby." She sighed and glanced toward the door. "It should be me in there. Not him."

Neela gave her a startled look. She hadn't thought about that. In her shock over Ray, she'd never considered the possibility that Abby could have been…

She shook her head. It hadn't happened. It was madness to consider the what-ifs of this nightmare.

"Can I ask you a question?" Abby said. "What happened between you two?"

Neela froze.

"Nothing happened," she said evasively. "Why?"

Her friend gave her a patented Abby Lockhart look.

"Really. Well, you moved out so suddenly, and he's been going nuts trying to call you, trying to see if you're all right. You won't return his calls. He's been worried about you. Very worried…"

"Nothing happened," Neela repeated.

Abby was silent for a long moment before she withdrew her arm from Neela's shoulders.

"I don't believe you," she said bluntly. "There's something you're not telling me."

It was on the tip of her tongue to repeat the old litany. There was nothing wrong. Nothing had happened. It was just time to move on…Neela opened her mouth to say those things, but stopped. It was time to stop pretending.

"I don't know what happened," she said softly, avoiding Abby's eyes. "All I could think about was spending time with Ray, hanging out. I wasn't even thinking of my husband. The one man I should have been thinking of." She covered her face with her hands. "I feel so horrible, Abby."

Abby was silent a moment, just staring at her.

"Do you have feelings for Ray?"

Neela froze and dropped her hands to stare at her friend.

"How can you ask me that?" she hissed. "I just buried my husband…"

"And now you're here crying over another man," Abby said brutally. "I've seen you two together. I'm not stupid. You care about him just as much as he cares about you."

Neela shook her head, trying to deny it.

"You have to face it, Neela."

"I can't face it! Don't you understand that? It's wrong of me to feel this way…" Neela burst out, earning odd looks from the family across the room. Abby glared at them until they looked away.

Abby took Neela into her arms to shield her from the looks of the raucous family…vultures that they were.

"Honey, it'll be okay. I promise," she whispered. "I'll be here for you no matter what, but you've got to tell him."

The door swung open then, and they both raised their heads to find Albright standing there. Her sharp eyes settled on Neela as she scanned the room. Neela felt her heart rate triple as she pulled away from Abby to meet her. Whatever the woman had to say, she would be strong. But, God! If he was gone….

"Well?" she asked sharply as she neared. Neela didn't care if this was her attending she wanted answers. Like, two hours ago.

"Dr. Barnett is out of surgery, but it was touch and go," Albright said, her voice unusually subdued. "We almost lost him once, but we brought him back. He's in a coma right now, so we'll have to wait and see…"

Neela didn't hear any more. She was beyond hearing. He was alive though barely. That meant a second chance.

_At what? _her mind accused. _You won't admit what you feel so what…_

_Shut up! _she ordered sharply, though she knew that that insistent little voice was right. If she couldn't admit to herself what she felt, then what was the point? She vaguely heard Albright tell Abby that a nurse would be down to take them to ICU where he was. She was too caught up in indecision. Should she tell him? Shouldn't she? Her head snapped around at the sound of her name.

"Yes?"

Albright exchanged a look with Abby.

"By the way, I'm really sorry about your husband," she said. Neela could only gape. The woman actually sounded sincere. Before she could form an appropriate response, Albright was gone.

"Well, that was unexpected," Abby said. "I didn't think that she had it in her."

Neela shook her head, trying to clear it. Albright's well-intentioned words had only succeeded in making her more confused. She had only just lost her husband. She didn't have any right to be thinking of another man. Not right now. Suddenly the memory of his words on the video rose to the surface of her mind. He had wanted her to live, to find love again, to have children. But surely he couldn't have meant…

"Are you all right, Neela?"

Neela focused on her friend and shook her head.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."


	3. Chapter 3

_Yes, the "dynamic duo" is back, and we brought out all the gadgets this time...lol! Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed the preceding chapters. We truly appreciate your feedback. We hope that you will continue to let us know what you think with this chapter. We like to know that we are doing a good job..._ :D_ So, here is Chapter Three of "In Dreams", and...as always..._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

3

By the time the nurse came to get her, Neela felt as if she was about to splinter. Too much had happened in the past week to allow her to feel anything but guilt, remorse and fear. Guilt that she had loved another man while Michael had been dying. Remorse over what she had said to Ray on the roof. And fear that he would be snatched away from her before she had the chance to tell him how very sorry she was. It amazed her that, as a doctor, she saw people's lives fall apart every day, but it never touched her. She always kept her objectivity. Now she was on the receiving end, and it didn't sit well. Not one little bit.

She rose from her seat when the nurse walked in the door, and Abby struggled up beside her. Without speaking, they followed where the woman led; ignoring the stares of the family now huddled in the corner. Their bad news had already come, leaving them a much more somber group than before. Neela couldn't feel sympathy for them. Not right now. She had more to worry about than them.

She slowed as they neared the ICU, and Neela suddenly felt a fear so deep that she nearly cried out with the force of it. What if he was already gone? What if…? She grabbed Abby's arm and pulled her to a halt, eyeing the door warily.

"I don't think I can do this, Abby," she whispered frantically.

Abby turned to look at her, searching her eyes. What she saw there made her either want to hug her or slap her. She wasn't sure which. At the moment, she was leaning toward slap.

"I'll be right there with you," she said, finally mastering her urge. "You'll be fine."

"Abby…"

Abby sighed heavily.

"Honey, you can't run away from this. I know it won't be easy, but I'll be there with you."

Neela swallowed hard. Easy? This was so far from easy that it made physics look like a cakewalk. She closed her eyes, fighting for some sort of control on her emotions. She almost laughed. Neela, the control freak, couldn't get a handle on even herself. After a moment, she thought that she could face whatever was behind the door without breaking down and eased past Abby to open it.

The charge nurse gave them a bulldog glare when they entered, and Abby took care of her with her usual efficiency.

"Ray Barnett," she said shortly.

"Are you family?" the nurse said as her gaze wandered to Neela. Her eyes widened. "Dr. Rasgotra! What are you doing here? We thought…"

"I'm here to see Dr. Barnett," Neela said, cutting her off. She saw the sudden knowing look in the woman's eyes and her fury burned away any lingering fear she might have had. What right did she have to judge? "I'm his next of kin," she added, her tone so icy that it froze in the air.

The woman licked her lips and glanced at Abby as if for help. Neela didn't know what she saw in her eyes, but was glad that she was wise enough to recognize the warning note in her voice. Seeing that Abby wasn't going to help her, the nurse sighed and pointed to the end of the ward.

"Last bed," she said shortly before turning to the desk.

"How do you work up here with these people?" Abby asked under her breath as they made their way through the ward.

Neela didn't answer. Sometimes she wondered the same thing, but she wasn't here to talk about the lack of courtesy from the surgical staff. She was here to see Ray.

She ground to a halt when they were close enough to see him clearly. Tears sprang to her eyes and fell unchecked down her cheeks. Dimly, she heard Abby's sharp intake of breath, but it didn't touch her.

"Bloody hell," she said brokenly, a sob tearing at her throat.

If she hadn't had confirmation that it was Ray, she never would have recognized him. His face was pale, the edges of his eyelids tinged blue. The tube helping him breathe seemed barbaric, though she had intubated hundreds of patients for just the same reason. Somehow, it was different now. This was Ray, not some nameless patient. She watched as Abby stepped closer to the bed and took his hand, telling him how grateful she was that he'd saved her and the baby. The pulse/ox monitor beeped endlessly, proving that he still lived, still breathed. God! She was going to go crazy. This could not be happening.

Neela took a step toward the bed when Abby's pager went off. She jumped, glancing at Abby in sudden fear. All she could think was, _What now?._

Abby glanced down at the display and grimaced. She looked down at Ray, squeezing his hand.

"I'll be back up to check on you later," she said softly. Turning to Neela, she rounded the bed and placed her hands on Neela's shoulders. "Are you going to be all right?"

All right? She was so far from all right that she wondered if she could ever make her way back. She felt as if her heart were splintered, brittle. One wrong move, and it would just shatter like badly blown glass. Neela swallowed hard and took a deep breath, glancing glanced past her to Ray's face. She wasn't all right, but she wouldn't fall apart like that. Not when he needed her. She had already abandoned him once. She wouldn't do it again. For the first time since she'd moved, she was going to do the right thing even if it killed her.

"I'm fine," she whispered, tearing her eyes from Ray to look her friend in the eye.

Abby frowned slightly, scanning her face. Finally, she nodded and tucked her hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

"I'll be back later to check up on both of you," she said. She looked back at the bed and her eyes grew sad. "Just talk to him, Neela," she whispered. "Tell him everything."

Neela nodded, her throat closing up. She watched Abby leave though tears blurred her vision and a sob tore at her throat. She choked it back. She was not going to cry. Not now. Not when he needed her to be strong. She straitened her spine and stepped toward the bed. Grabbing a chair and pulling it closer to the bed, she sat and thought of all the things she wanted to say. There were so many that she wasn't sure where to start. It hurt to know that she had once been able to say anything to him. Anything at all. Now, there was so much looming between them that, even now, she couldn't say the things she really wanted to.

She leaned forward, reaching out to take his hand, but pulled her hand back. Sighing, she rested her elbows on the edge of the bed.

"Oh, God, Ray," she whispered. "I've gone and buggered everything haven't I?"

She glanced up at his face half expecting some reaction, and looked away again when there was nothing.

"Why would you give my name as your next of kin, Ray?" she said, almost to herself. "Why would you do that?"

That was the true question. The one she wanted answered more than anything else. She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened. She knew that if she looked deeply enough, the answer was already there, in her heart, but she couldn't look there. Not now. Without thought, she bridged the gap between them and took his cold hand into her own, needing the contact. She rested her head on the edge of the bed, not caring if the nurses were watching. She was too tired, too raw to be concerned with their petty judgments. Not a one of them knew her. They didn't know the agony she was feeling.

"Neela."

Her breath caught in her throat at the voice. She'd believed that she had forgotten that voice. She had been wrong. But it couldn't be…

She lifted her head and turned to see Michael standing beside her. He looked so…so_ real_. His crisp white shirt contrasted with his dark skin and was tucked into the faded jeans he wore. He was staring at her with a small sad smile on his face, and her heart lurched in her chest. Guilt assailed her with the realization that she was sitting at another man's bedside when she had only just buried her husband. She snatched her hands away from Ray and rose to her feet. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out, the words sticking in her throat.

"Michael…" she finally managed to force out.

"You don't have to say anything, Neela," he said kindly. His gaze strayed to the bed, that sad smile fading. "I already know."

She frowned, her fear tripling.

"I didn't…"

"I know that too," he broke in turning back to look at her. He tucked his hands in his pockets and blew out a breath. "I need to talk to you, Neela."

Neela could only stare at him. Was she dreaming? Awake? Had it all been some colossal mistake?

"No mistake," he said, and she glanced at him sharply.

"That's bloody unnerving," she snapped before she could stop herself, and he laughed softly.

"I know. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm not here to talk about us."

"Then why are you here?" she asked, her voice barely more than a squeak. God! She really was losing her mind. She was talking to her dead husband, while standing next to the bed of the man she….

"I need you to do something for me, Neela. You remember the video I sent you? I told you that I wanted you to move on, fall in love again, have babies."

She nodded, not liking the direction that this was going. "I remember."

"I meant every word. You have to move on, Neela."

She laughed and a hysterical note crept into her voice.

"You want me to move on," she echoed. "I only just buried you, Michael." She uttered a sound that was half sob, half laughter. "Bollocks, that sounds insane."

He took a step toward her, stopping just short of touching her.

"I know that you're hurting right now. I'm sorry for that, but I need to know that you'll be happy. That you'll be taken care of."

Tears rolled down her face and her face crumbled into lines of grief. She covered her face with her hands.

"All I wanted was to love you, Michael. I wanted for us to be together."

"I know," he said gravely. "I wanted the same thing, but things didn't happen that way." He sighed heavily. "We can't change what happened, but you can still make a future."

"What future?" she said, running her fingers through her hair. "I don't understand…"

He glanced again at the bed.

"He cares about you, Neela. And I know how you feel about him."

She bit her lip and dropped her eyes.

"It's all right," he told her. "I know how you feel, but it doesn't change anything. He needs you right now. And deep down, you know you need him."

She bit back the words of denial that rose to her lips. God, but it was true! She needed Ray. She had for a long time. When Michael had left, she'd come to depend on Ray in a way that she never would have imagined. He had listened to her complain, and cry, and laugh. He'd been there as a shoulder she could cry on, lean on, depend on. A new piercing agony stole her breath away, leaving her shaking. She'd depended on him so much, that she had taken for granted that he would always be there. She looked over her shoulder, her chest tight with suppressed tears.

"I don't know what to do, Michael."

She thought she felt him brush her hair away from her face, but when she turned he was several feet away. The look in his eyes broke her heart, but she couldn't look away.

"I'll always love you, Neela. And I'll look in on you from time to time, but you have to live." He smiled suddenly, and she sobbed again at the sight of it. "Make Doc Rock take care of you."

She couldn't say anything as he turned to leave. She wanted to call him back, to tell him how much she missed him. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. She took a step toward him.

"Neela?"

Neela snapped bolt upright at the feel of a hand on her shoulder. She looked around fearfully, ignoring the painful cramp in her neck at the motion. She was still sitting in the chair at Ray's bedside, her hand still twined with his. She looked up to find Abby standing there beside her, her face a mask of concern.

"Are you all right?" she asked, her voice tinged with worry. "You don't look good."

Neela shook her head, the dream still with her.

"I…" she began, testing the words in her mind and discarding them.

Abby touched her forehead, her brow creasing.

"Jesus, Neela! You're white as a sheet. You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Neela gave her a wild look and rose unsteadily to her feet. She covered her mouth with her hands and scanned the ICU, wondering if she really was going insane.

"This may sound mad, but…I think I have."


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello, all! Yes, we've completed another chapter...lol. We want to thank everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. :D We've had a few other projects going at the same time so we want to say sorry for the delay. We hope that this chapter will more than make up for it. Please let us know what you think, and as always..._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

4

"I know it sounds crazy," Neela said as she finished telling Abby what had happened. She sighed heavily and looked down at her cup of coffee. "Maybe I am."

Abby frowned.

"How can a dream be crazy?" she asked. "You've been through a lot the last couple of days. It would be amazing if you _didn't_ have some really off dreams."

Off dreams? Neela looked at Abby as if she'd never seen her before. This had been more than just a strange dream. It had felt too real, too…coherent to be just another dream.

"It didn't just feel like a dream, Abby," she said stubbornly. "It felt like more than that."

Abby raised her eyebrows.

"Like what? Like a visitation?"

"When you put it like that it does sound crazy," Neela said sullenly, sipping her coffee. She grimaced at the bitter swill they were passing off as coffee in the cafeteria. Was it a rule that everyone who worked in a hospital was required to make coffee that tasted like poison?

"Honey, I'm not trying to belittle what you believe. All I'm saying is that maybe your subconscious is just trying to tell you something, and this was the only way you would accept it."

"Tell me what? That I should stay with Ray? That I should ignore the fact that my husband just died? That…"

"You should live," Abby finished. "You know that you've had feelings for Ray for a long time. Everyone can see it but you, it seems."

Neela looked away from her friend's piercing gaze. Bloody hell! And she'd thought that she'd been so careful. She hadn't wanted anyone to see that. She hadn't wanted to acknowledge them herself. It galled her suddenly that she had been so transparent.

"Everyone?" she asked in a small voice.

"There have been rumors, but nothing that I didn't kill immediately. I knew that you cared about him, but I wasn't going to say anything."

Neela rested her arms on the table and buried her face in them, suddenly too tired to think.

"I think, that you just need to take some time. Think about things. You need to be there for Ray. You really do need each other right now." Abby looked down at her cup and shook her head sadly. "It looks like you're the only family that Ray has."

New pain settled around Neela's heart at her words. It made her sad to know that, though she had still had family of a sort to fall back on, he'd had nobody. Only a name on a sheet of paper. Fresh tears filled her eyes to know that he had considered her his family, and she had turned her back on him. She'd gotten in a cab and had driven away.

"What am I going to do, Abby?" she asked brokenly.

"Do you care about him? Do you care about him as more than just a friend?"

Neela blew out a breath and lifted her head to look at her. She couldn't deny it. Not anymore. When she had been a married woman, it wasn't something that she would ever have admitted to. She felt safe, protected from those questions by the ring on her finger. But now, there was no ring, at least not one that meant anything. There wasn't anything there that she could hide behind anymore.

"Yes, I do," she whispered, dropping her eyes to hide her tears. She shook her head. "I think I've always had feelings for him." She shot Abby a pleading look. "I don't want anyone else to know about this."

"I won't say a word, you know that, but I think that everyone already knows."

Of course they did. Or at least they thought they did. Would they understand, she wondered? Would they understand or would they judge her? She couldn't help the way she felt. She couldn't make it go away though she'd tried. She had done everything in her power to do the right thing, both for herself and him. But right and wrong had faded from black and white to shades of gray in the past hours. The lines she had come to rely on were now blurred. There were only two things that were clear to her anymore.

Ray needed her, and she needed him.

Suddenly she smiled softly and looked at Abby.

"This is going to be complicated."

"Yes, it is, but I'll be here for you."

"I know." She shook her head. "I just can't lose him. Not like I lost Michael."

Which was her worst fear.

000000

When all was said and done, there was really no decision to make. Neela took up residence in the ICU. None of the nurses had the heart to make her leave. She'd only just lost her husband, and she obviously cared a great deal for the patient in their charge. Not to mention there was the not inconsiderable matter that she was his next of kin. They couldn't in good conscience cut her out of the decisions concerning him.

She was there when he started breathing on his own and the tube was removed. She was there when he was moved to his own room. She was there to watch tearfully as the doctors did test after test on his brain function, trying to find out why, after two weeks, he still remained in a coma. She refused to accept their assessments, and continued to talk to him, hold his hand, read articles from _Rolling Stone _magazine to him as he slept away. Sometimes, she just sat and watched him, her face betraying nothing of her thoughts as she watched over him.

It was enough to make them cry.

Neela was starting to resent the watchful eyes of the nurses and doctors. They watched her as closely as they did him. Seeming to wait for her to crack, to break down in some way. Even more disturbing, was the fact that they seemed to expect it, as if the lack of tears on her part was simply a sign that she was too long gone. That she was above caring about anything. That she was rapidly losing her mind.

The only one who kept her sane was Abby. She came every day to relieve her of her vigil, let her leave long enough to get the few things that she needed to live. Clean clothes, new magazines or books to read to Ray, a hot shower every now and then. She'd even taken an afternoon and bought every CD that she could remember him listening to, and had brought them back to the hospital. She'd placed the earphones in his ears and had let the music play on and on, hoping for some sign that he could hear.

But there had been nothing. Not one twitch or moan. Not one indication that he would ever come out of the coma that the doctors were now beginning to believe irreversible. She refused to accept it. She could only stare at them, stone faced, as they spoke until they trailed off to silence and finally left, shaking their heads.

Things finally came to a head on Monday of the third week. Neela was reading to Ray, stubbornly clinging to hope, when Albright entered the room. Neela glanced up and could only stare at the woman who had saved Ray's life. Her dark eyes stared back at Neela with not a little impatience, which was not unusual. What was out of the ordinary, was the lack of concern that Neela felt about it. She had changed in the past weeks it seemed. This was her boss, her attending, and she didn't give a tinker's damn if the woman was irritated with her or not.

"I've spoken with Dr. Rinehart," Albright began without a greeting. "He thinks…"

"I know what Rinehart thinks," Neela broke in. She glanced at the bed. "I won't discuss this here where he can hear."

A look of contempt crossed the other woman's features.

"He's suffered significant neural damage, Rasgotra. You as well as any know what that means. Just because he's breathing on his own…"

Neela rose to her feet and placed the magazine on the chair carefully, deliberately. Suddenly, she was afraid that if she didn't keep tight control on herself, she was going to kill the woman.

"Leave," she said tightly, turning back to face her. "Leave now before I…"

"You have got to stop this, Doctor. You are a surgical resident, and you need to complete your program. You can't just…"

"I said leave," Neela suddenly shouted. "Take your arse out of here before I kick it out. My residency can rot for all I care."

Albright's mouth dropped open in shock. She glanced at the bed then back again.

"You really have gone insane," she said a touch smugly. "You would give up your career for this?"

"You're bloody well right I would," Neela spat. She paused, pulling great lungfuls of air, struggling to control herself. When she felt she had a handle on her temper, she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Albright. "I believe that you know your way out."

Albright's face reddened for a moment, and she clenched her fists at her sides before she marched to the door and snatched it open. Abby was just outside and jumped back as Albright stormed out, nearly barreling her down as she passed. Abby frowned and shouted at her before she entered the room to give Neela a questioning look.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"I told her to get her ass out before I kicked it out," Neela responded as she returned to her chair.

Abby's mouth dropped open in shocked amusement.

"And you did that because…"

"I wasn't about to listen to her threaten me. I know where my responsibilities lie. She wanted me to come back to work."

Abby nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"Well, I'll give you one thing, I don't think that anyone has ever told her no before. I've never seen her so pissed."

"She can rot for all I care."

Abby laughed and crossed the room to stand by Ray's bed. Her hand absently rubbed her distended belly as she spoke to his inert form. As always, he slept on, oblivious to her presence. She sighed heavily and looked back at Neela.

"Why don't you get out of here for a while, honey. Get something to eat and a shower. I'll stay with him."

Neela nodded. It was routine by now.

"I'll be back in an hour or two," she said both to Ray and Abby. Ray didn't respond.

"Take your time, Neela. You need some fresh air. You need to take care of yourself too, you know."

Neela refrained from rolling her eyes by sheer force of will. If she had a dime every time someone said that to her in the past weeks, then she wouldn't have to worry about working for the rest of her life.

She left the room with one last look at Ray, and headed down the hall to the elevators. She ignored the measured looks of the nurses and the half wary looks of the doctors that walked by. She would have laughed if she'd had the energy. She'd become a downright terror in the ward since she'd set up shop in Ray's room. There was not a staff member on the floor that hadn't been given the sharp edge of her tongue for one reason or another. She straitened her spine and glared back at them until they looked away and stepped into the lift before the doors had completely opened. She jabbed at the button until they closed, cutting off the sight of their pity.

Neela slumped against the wall, fighting tears. The confrontation with Albright had taken more out of her than she had wanted anyone to see. She had refused to accept that Ray might not wake up. She wouldn't even consider the possibility. But she couldn't deny what logic told her. That the longer he remained in the coma, the less likely it was that he would come out of it. She swallowed back the sob that was building in her throat. There had to be something she could do. Something that she hadn't already…

Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes widened. There was one thing that she hadn't done yet. Sheer excitement lent her new energy as she shifted from foot to foot, waiting for the elevator doors to open. She slid through them as they opened, heading for the bank of pay phones at the end of the corridor. She snatched up the nearest receiver and dialed for the operator.

"What city please?"

"Los Angeles, California."

"The name of the party you want to reach?"

Neela gave her the name, and prayed that he was listed. Her heart thrilled when a canned voice came on, reciting the number in an eerie monotone. She memorized the number quickly, and cut off the call. She dialed the operator again and placed the collect call, hoping to God that he was home.

The phone began to ring on the other end of the country, and Neela had to force herself to breathe. If he wasn't there…

"You got him."

Neela breathed a sigh of pure relief as the operator asked that the charges be accepted.

"Oh, hell yeah!" Brett said brightly. "Dr. Neela! Did you finally decide that you were going to run away with me?"

Neela closed her eyes against the spate of tears that threatened. He didn't know. He had no idea of everything that had happened in the past weeks.

"Brett, I need for you to listen to me," she said. "It's important."

"What? Did that husband of yours leave you? Need me to come…"

"Michael died, Brett," she broke in. "A month ago in Iraq."

There was silence on the other end of the line and then a gust of breath.

"Jesus, I'm such an ass hole," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, Neela. I didn't…"

"I know," she said, more surprised at his use of only her first name than at the sincerity in his tone. "But that's not why I'm calling."

"What's wrong?" he asked. "What else happened and why are you calling me?"

She swallowed hard, wishing that she had the words to break it to him gently. Wishing that she were a writer or poet instead of a doctor. Perhaps then, she could have been able to say what she needed to eloquently. But she was neither.

"Ray's been shot," she said bluntly.

"Shot," he echoed. There was a long pause before he spoke again, and when he did, there was a sharp edge to his voice that she had never heard before. "How? What the hell happened?"

"There was a shootout in the ER and he was caught in the crossfire," she said, swiping at a tear that had slid past her lid. "He's in a coma."

"How long?"

"Three weeks," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I don't know what else to do, Brett. I've tried everything I can. The doctors think…"

She couldn't go on. She wouldn't say what they believed. For some reason, she felt that if she repeated what they said, with her own mouth, that it would be placing merit in what they said. She couldn't do that. Hope was all she had left at the moment, and she wouldn't give that up.

"Will you come?" she said finally. "He needs his friends here with him."

"Jesus," she heard him say. Maybe it was the distortion of thousands of miles of phone lines, but she thought she heard a sudden tremor in his voice.

"We'll be on the next plane out," he said. "I don't care if I have to beg, borrow, and steal, we'll be there as soon as we can get a flight."

Neela drew in a heavy breath and leaned her head against the low booth.

"Thank you, Brett."

"Thanks for calling me, Dr. Neela." He paused uncertainly. "Have you been with him the whole time?"

"Yes."

"Good," he said simply. "We'll see you in a day or so."

Without a good-bye, he hung up, leaving her shaking. She gently cradled the receiver, and could only stand there, staring at the phone. Now that it was done, she was exhausted. The band had been one of the only things that Ray had cared about at one time. He'd lived and breathed his music, leaving medicine on the back burner as a secondary concern. Brett had been his band mate, his drinking buddy, his best friend. But the band had moved on, left him alone with only…

Her breath hitched in her throat, and she ran her hands through her hair. The guilt she had felt over Michael was nothing compared to the remorse she now felt, tearing away at her soul. Ray had not had anyone after she'd gone. No one. He didn't even have family that he acknowledged.

Save her.

She drew a deep breath, trying to bring herself under control. She wouldn't cry. Not yet. Not here. If she was going to cry anymore, she wanted it to be with relief…with joy. She was tired of mourning, of feeling sorry for herself. The band was coming back to Chicago. If anything could wake Ray up, then perhaps it would be them.

Pushing away from the wall, she made her way blindly through the halls to the ER doors. She ignored the greetings from the nurses. She didn't even acknowledge Pratt when he called her name. She wasn't ready to talk. She wasn't in the mood to break down. There was too much that she had to do.

And she wanted to be prepared for it.


	5. Chapter 5

_We know that it's been a minute since we updated this, and we hope that you'll forgive us for that. Life tends to intrude at the most inopportune times. Please let us know what you think. We eagerly await your comments...lol. As always..._

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

5

Neela was dozing with her head resting on the edge of his bed when they arrived. It had been two days since she'd called Brett, and she hadn't heard from him since. She raised her head at the sound of the door opening and could only stare at them in mingled relief and shock.

They filed in quietly, not how she remembered them to be. Before, the entire floor of their apartment building would be alerted to their presence by the sound of loud ribbing and rock music. This subdued group was not what she had expected, but she didn't care. They were here. Every one of them, and she didn't think that she had ever been happier to see anyone. Brett looked at her, and she felt tears well in her eyes as she rose from her place.

"You're here," she said simply. "If I had known I would have…"

"We have it all under control, Doc," he said quietly. He narrowed his eyes on her. "You look wrecked."

She smiled through her tears.

"And you look wonderful," she said with a tremor in her voice. She crossed the room to give him a hug. "Thank you for coming."

"I had to," he said as he released her. He glanced at the bed and winced, his throat working. "How is he?"

"No change," she whispered. "I've been hoping…"

She trailed off, unsure of what to say. She didn't want to tell him that her hopes were resting with him. She didn't want to put into words the fear that had been building in her as the days passed without change. If she put those things into words, then she was afraid that she would give in to them. She would just fall apart, fade away to nothing.

He glanced down at her, and by the look in his eyes; he knew what she was thinking. A muscle in his jaw twitched, and he stepped away from her with a nod. The rest of the band wandered toward the bed behind him, each one pausing to give her a hug or a greeting. She swallowed hard, her tears so close as to be impossible to hold back. With her hand over her mouth, she turned and left the room, not only to give them privacy, but also to gather herself together.

She leaned against the wall outside the room and slid down until she was huddled on the floor. Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes; fighting off the sob she felt building in her throat. She suddenly didn't care that the nurses saw her, or the doctors. She was hurting too badly to care anymore. She and Brett had always had their differences, but she could be nothing but grateful to him now. He'd come back to Chicago for Ray, and for her. She clenched her eyes shut at the sound of strained laughter in the room. Hot tears blazed a trail down her cheeks to fall on her shirt.

"Neela?"

She raised her head to find Brett standing there.

"Are you all right?"

She nodded and rose to her feet.

"I'm just tired," she said, swiping at her eyes. "I haven't gotten much sleep."

"It looks like you haven't gotten any sleep," he said dryly. "Where have you been sleeping?"

"Here. In a chair by the bed or on the sofa."

He gave her a sharp look and seemed about to say something, but he stopped himself. "I want to know exactly what happened, Neela."

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. Indicating one of the chairs in the hall, she sat and waited until he settled next to her before she started speaking. She told him everything. From the moment she'd moved out to the shootout in the ER. She told him how Ray had saved Abby's life and that of her child with his actions. She was weeping freely by the time she finished, her knees drawn up to her chest. Her vow not to cry was forgotten in the telling. He said nothing for a long moment, his eyes on his hands as they clenched in his knees. Finally, he sat back to rest his head against the wall.

"Jesus Christ, Neela," he said softly. "Do the doctors…" He swallowed and closed his eyes. "What are his chances of…"

She shook her head, still refusing to say the words that would shatter all hope. His face twisted into a grimace and he closed his eyes.

"Fuck," he whispered. He opened his eyes to look at her. "You've been here all this time?"

"Yes. I can't leave him."

"Why?" he asked almost harshly. "You did it once."

She stiffened, setting her feet on the floor. Anger and guilt burned her blood at his accusing glare.

"And you have room to talk?" she asked harshly. "My reasons for leaving are entirely my own."

"Sure they are," he said sarcastically. "That husband of yours was in Iraq. Ray was there for you when no one else was. The least you could have done…"

"Don't you dare judge me!" she cried, jumping to her feet. "You bastards kicked him out of the band and took off to California. Don't you dare lecture me…"

"It's a statement of fact," he shot back heatedly. "We did what was best for him and us. He has a friggin medical degree. He should damn well use it instead of living hand to mouth like we do most of the time. The fact is we thought that you'd take care of him when we left. We knew how he felt about you."

"You knew how…" She trailed off, shock boiling away her irritation. She sank back into her seat, her knees suddenly too weak to support her.

"We knew. It was obvious to anyone with half a brain." He grinned and glanced at the room. "Between the four of us, we have that much."

She threw up her hands in exasperation.

"Did everyone know but me?" she asked, irritated.

"Pretty much," he said, cocking one foot on the edge of the chair. "Why? Does that shock you? That he has feelings for you?"

She bit her lip and shook her head. She had known. She'd seen it in his eyes every time he'd looked at her.

"I knew," she admitted softly as she sank back into the seat.

He glared at her. "You knew,and you still left him." He held up a hand when she was about to speak. "I know, your own reasons. What I want to know is, will you stick with him now? You're not gonna tuck tail and run once he wakes up."

She turned quickly to look into his angry features.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Are you going to leave him once he wakes up?" Brett asked slowly, deliberately. "Because if you are, it would be best if you just left now, before he wakes up. You already screwed with his head once, I don't want to see you do it again."

Neela clenched her fists on her knees.

"You don't have any right…"

"I have every right," he hissed. "Who do you think he called when you left? Who do you think listened to him when he'd get drunk and needed to spout off? You hurt him, girl. Tore his heart out. I don't want that to happen again. Because if it is, it would be best if he never knew you were here."

Neela could only stare at him incredulously. It was a bloody test. To see if she was worthy of his friend. On the one hand, it pissed her off to no end to be questioned like a bloody criminal. On the other, it warmed her greatly to know that Ray had friends like this. Friends that would stand by him even though they lived thousands of miles apart. She wondered what she would do in his situation. Would she do all in her power to see that her friend wasn't hurt?

"I'm not going anywhere," she said quietly, sincerely. "I…I love him too much to leave."

He grinned suddenly and hopped to his feet.

"That's all I wanted to know," he said brightly, his mood abruptly changing directions. "It's about time you admitted it."

She scowled at him. "I suppose you knew that as well."

"I was always hoping you'd give it up and realize what a great guy I am, but yeah." He shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

She blew out a breath and rose to her feet.

"I really hate you sometimes," she said tiredly.

"No, you don't," he shot back as he stood beside her. "You secretly love me. Now, let's go see if we can get lazybones awake."

He turned back toward the room without waiting for a response. Neela followed more slowly, feeling as if she'd just come out of an interrogation. More tears filled her eyes as she thought of his words. She wanted to believe them so badly. She needed to believe them.

Opening the door, she stepped inside, praying all the while that they would.

000000

Neela leaned her head against the seat back and sighed. She was tired; exhausted all the way to her core. She wasn't sure how she'd gotten through the past few hours. The boys had stayed long past the time that visiting hours were usually over. The staff had not asked them to leave. Whether it was out of fear of Neela's wrath, or the fact that they believed that Ray was beyond hope, she didn't know and didn't care. They'd let them stay, and that was what mattered.

Not that it had made a difference. Ray had not responded. Not to Brett's or any other voice. He hadn't stirred when Matt had gone down to fetch his guitar and play for him. He hadn't so much as twitched an eyelid when they had informed him of their impending concert schedule. There had been nothing.

She rubbed her eyes and pulled closer the blanket that she had wrapped herself in. Her gaze came to rest on his face, and hot tears pricked her eyes.

"Oh, God, Michael," she whispered softly, not caring if she sounded completely insane. "I'm trying. I'm trying so hard, but I don't know what else to do." She leaned forward to rest her arms on the edge of the bed. Her fingers brushed against his hand as she buried her face in the hollow of her arms. "What else can I do? I've tried everything I can to wake him up, to make him want to come back. Help me. Please."

As darkness crept into her vision, and her breathing slowed, she thought she felt a hand brush across her hair. She smiled softly in her sleep, relishing the warmth of that touch.

000000

"What the hell are you doing?"

Ray snapped his head around at the sound of that voice. He'd been floating in a sea of darkness, adrift in a nothingness that was oddly peaceful. It had been so long since he'd heard anything, seen anything, that the unexpected voice was like cold water splashed in his face.

With shock, he stared around himself. The hallway he stood in was painted a deep shade of red. Mirrors hung on the walls reflecting his image back at him a hundred times over. He saw a figure behind him and turned to find Michael Gallant standing there. He was still wearing the button down shirt that he'd been wearing on their last meeting. The hard, angry set of his jaw was enough to bring Ray's temper to the fore.

"I was trying to sleep," he said sharply.

"You've been sleeping long enough," Gallant said harshly. "Did you forget everything I told you? Everything you promised?"

Ray shook his head. There were some things that he could never forget. He may forget where he put his keys every day, but he would always remember what he'd been told. That Neela needed him.

"I'm still alive." He glanced around in confusion. "Unless this is some sort of hell."

"This is nothing more than a dream, Barnett. What I want to know is why aren't you doing what you promised. You said you'd take care of her."

Ray frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Gallant sighed heavily and moved past him to look in the closest mirror. Ray followed his gaze and sucked in a breath as the surface of the mirror shimmered. The scene shifted from his image to that of a hospital room. He was lying on the bed, looking as if he'd seen better days. It wasn't his appearance that caught him around the heart. It was the person sitting in a chair next to the bed, her head in her arms on the blanket. Her dark hair was spread across the blanket as she slept. _She's going to have a cramp in her neck from sleeping like that,_ he thought. Then the absurdity of his thought hit him and he turned back to Gallant.

"Why are you showing me this?" he asked.

Gallant gave him a gimlet stare.

"Think, Barnett. Try and remember where you've been."

"I haven't been anywhere…"

"Except asleep for three weeks."

The breath slammed from Ray's lungs. Three weeks. That wasn't possible. But he could see by the look in Gallant's eyes that it was. He turned back to the image in the mirror and shook his head.

"Has she…?" He couldn't bring himself to ask any more. He had all the proof he needed right in front of him. Suddenly, from the dark waters of his memory, voices rose up to speak, whispering but growing louder. Neela, reading some asinine article, Abby, even Brett. Ray ran a hand over his face.

"Jesus." Gallant was right. She'd been with him all along. His heart clenched at the thought. She'd been waiting for him to come back to her, and he'd been lingering…here—wherever _here_ was, because he hadn't believed that he had anything to come back to. He'd been wrong.

"She's losing hope, Barnett. You've been 'resting' for damn near a month. She needs you."

Ray glanced at him narrowly.

"Why do you care? What stake do you have in this? You're dead."

"Yet another excellent observation," Gallant said dryly. "I care because I love her. I want to see her happy. You can make her happy. She loves you, man, and I know you love her." He paused and sighed heavily. "I want her to live her life. Get married again, have babies. You can do that for her."

Ray glanced away, not knowing what to say to that. How did one argue with a ghost? He laughed suddenly. This would go down in the history books. Ray Barnett was talking to a ghost. That was, if they didn't put him in the nut house first.

"I love her," he said. "I don't know how it happened, but I do." He gave the man a sheepish look. "I didn't mean for it to happen, but I don't regret it."

Gallant nodded.

"That's why I know you'll do this. She's ready, Barnett. You have to wake up to take care of her. She needs you now."

Ray looked back at the mirror, but the image of Neela was gone, replaced by his own reflection.

"Are you sure that she'll…"

"I'm sure," Gallant said. "She already knows what I wanted. I told her everything I wanted for her in the videotape I made for her."

Ray frowned. "What tape?"

Gallant shook his head. "You're missing the point, Ray," he said almost gently. "I want her to move on. Swear to me you'll love her like she deserves. Promise that you'll do everything you can to make sure she is taken care of."

Ray stared at him, his heart beating in his ears. As if he would do anything else. It gave him pause to see the sadness in Gallant's eyes, to hear it in his voice. He had died before he'd gotten half a chance to do the things he was asking Ray to do.

"I promise you that I'll take care of her," he said quietly. "I love her, man. I won't hurt her."

Gallant blew out a breath and dropped his eyes for a long moment. When he looked back at Ray, there was nothing in them but peace.

"Then it's time to wake up, Barnett."

Ray opened his mouth to speak, but the hallway began to spin, dragging him down into darkness. Gallant spoke again, and the words followed Ray down as he fell.

_Take care of her._


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello, everyone. We hope everyone had a good weekend, had fun, didn't get too sunburned...lol. We, on the other hand, have been busy..._:) _We want to thank everyone who read and reviewed the preceding chapters. We really do appreciate your comments even if we don't get to answer every one personally. We hope that you'll continue to let us know how we are doing._

_As always, we are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

6

In the past weeks, Neela had taken to waking with a start; constantly worried that she would be asleep when he finally woke. She would jerk awake, peering blindly about until her eyes rested on his face to search for some change, some sign that he was awake. There would be nothing of course, and disappointment would crash down on her like a tidal wave, leaving her to tread water in a sea of hopelessness.

When she woke this time, it was not with a start or in a panic. Neither was it a slow wakening. One moment, she was asleep, and the next, she was awake, fully aware of the sounds outside the door heralding the morning rounds. She didn't move for a long moment, just relishing the first peaceful sleep she'd had in weeks. She didn't even mind the kink in her neck from sleeping sitting up. She felt rested, Ray was holding her hand, and…

Her breath caught at the realization, and her head snapped up against the shrieking protest of cramped muscles. She could only stare down at her hand entwined with his. She could have sworn that she hadn't held his hand before she'd fallen asleep. She shifted her hand in his, only to feel his fingers tighten on hers. Her gaze snapped to his face, her eyes widening and her breath coming in short gasps.

"Ray?" she choked out. She rose slowly to her feet, her knees shaking as badly as her hands. "Ray?" she repeated more loudly. "Can you hear me?"

There was no response, though she thought she saw his eyelids flutter. Her pulse quickened in her chest, and she started to pull away to get a doctor.

"Don't leave me."

Her throat tightened to the point of pain at the whispered words. She turned back to the bed, tears burning her eyes.

"Ray?" she asked uncertainly.

"Don't leave, Neela. Please."

Her heart broke then with a resounding crack. She had seen his lips move as he spoke, had heard the soft words as they left his throat. There was no mistaking this. It wasn't a dream. It wasn't wishful thinking. This was real. She leaned over him, her hand touching his face, stroking through his hair as tears started falling from her eyes. Suddenly, it was imperative that she see his eyes, to assure herself that he had indeed returned to her.

"Open your eyes, Ray," she said in a choked voice. "Please…"

He turned his face toward her hand at her urgent words, and she thought she would stop breathing right then. His eyes fluttered again, but didn't open.

"Open your eyes, Ray. Look at me."

"Don't yell," he whispered back, a small smile gracing his lips. "I can hear you just fine."

A hysterical laugh escaped her throat.

"Then stop being a pain in my ass and look at me."

"Wouldn't want to break tradition," he said as his eyes finally opened to fix with effort on her face.

If she lived an eternity, she would never forget that one perfect moment when she looked into his hazel eyes and saw everything. Her heart skipped three beats before jogging merrily along in her throat. She swallowed it down, only to be nearly suffocated again by tears. In his eyes, she saw all the things that he had tried to tell her but she had refused to listen to. She could see how much he loved her in that green-gold gaze, and the shattered pieces of her soul came together, healed in that instant. There were scars. There always were, but she was no longer lying splintered.

"I've been waiting for you," she whispered brokenly. "I was afraid…so afraid…"

She couldn't continue. She didn't want to put to words what she had buried deep. The fear that he would never wake up, that she would never have the chance to love him as he deserved. She didn't want to say those words. She knew if she did, she would just break down and weep. He didn't need to see her like that. He frowned and squeezed her hand.

"You didn't have to wait on me, Neela."

She nodded, tears falling from her chin to the bed. "Yes, I did."

He searched her face for a long moment before he glanced around the room with surprise.

"Where the hell am I?" he asked, trying to rise to his elbows. "And why do I feel like a train backed over me?"

Her brow furrowing, she gently pushed him back down.

"You don't remember?" she asked.

He shook his head, his eyes darkening in confusion.

"There was shouting," he said, his voice tinged with uncertainty. His eyes widened suddenly, and he struggled against her hand, trying to sit up. "Abby. Is Abby all right? What about the baby? They didn't…"

"Abby's fine," she assured him. "The baby's fine, but you, on the other hand, have a lot of healing to do."

He looked down at himself, and then gave her a wild-eyed glare.

"What the hell happened to me?"

She could hear the panic in his voice and perched on the edge of the bed, pushing him back down as he tried again to sit up.

"You need to calm down, Ray," she told him sternly, swiping at the tears that were falling from her eyes. She almost laughed. That was good advice for both of them.

"You were shot," she told him as gently as she could. "You and Jerry both."

His eyes darkened further.

"Is Jerry all right?"

"He's fine. He went home a week ago."

His jaw went slack as he digested what she had said…and hadn't said. He gave her a sharp look, seeing in her eyes that she was holding something back.

"Which means I've been…"

"In a coma," she said softly, looking away. "For three weeks now."

Ray settled back on the bed, her words hitting him with the impact of a sledgehammer. Three weeks. Fragmented memories and broken images rose to just below the surface of his memory, eluding his grasp. Those words rippled in his mind leaving the feeling of déja vu in their wake. _Where had he heard those words before?_ His head ached with memories he couldn't recall, images he couldn't remember.

He looked back at Neela, taking in the shadowed hollows beneath her eyes and the thinness of her face. She had lost weight, and she looked as if she hadn't slept…

…in a month.

"Have you been here the whole time?" he asked quietly.

Her eyes snapped to his face and held there. Before she said anything, he knew. She'd been with him all along. Warmth bloomed in his heart and spread through his chest until his whole body was alight. She had stayed with him. Throughout everything, she had stayed by his side.

"You didn't have to, Neela," he whispered.

She nodded, her gaze fixed on his.

"Yes, I did."

"Neela…"

He paused, not really knowing what he was going to say. There was so much to tell her; so much that he wanted her to know that it was like a wall in his throat. It loomed there, too large to let it all out at once; too large to even begin.

"Thank you," he whispered, finally settling on the one thing that wasn't too laden with the past. The smile she offered was watery with tears, but it was a smile nonetheless, and he thought his heart would burst at the sight of it. He hadn't seen her smile in so long...

"Don't thank me yet, Ray. I can be a terror when I want something, and I want you to get well."

He smiled, knowing all too well that she was avoiding the same things he was. It wasn't the time for confessions from either of them, but he could wait. He'd been waiting for an eternity it seemed.

"Well, when can I go home?"

She laughed softly, and his breath caught at the sight of her. She was beautiful. He was always mesmerized by the way she laughed. Her face lighting up, the flash of white teeth, the soft glow in her eyes. It was enchanting.

"I can already tell you're going to drive the nurses crazy."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're a big baby," she said with a chuckle. "This could be fun to watch. At least they'll know that I'm not so bad as they've been thinking."

He grinned. "Been terrorizing the nurses?"

She raised an eyebrow. "For a good cause." She rose from the bed. "I need to get your doctor. Let him know that…that you've come back."

Ray frowned at the hesitation. She'd been about to say something else, but had stopped herself. He didn't have time to analyze it, because she was already heading toward the door. Sudden fear swept him up at the thought of her leaving. He didn't want her to go.

"Neela…"

She stopped and turned to give him a quizzical look.

"You're coming back, right?"

She searched his face for a moment and smiled.

"I'm coming back," she said firmly.

He swallowed. "Promise?"

Her smile widened and the look in her eyes stole his breath away.

"I swear it," she said an instant before she was gone.

Ray settled back, fighting the fear that she would just leave him, never come back. He threw his arm over his eyes, forcing himself to breathe deeply.

"Don't leave me again. Please," he whispered softly to the empty room.

000000

Neela waited until she had spoken with Dr. Rinehart before she took the lift to the ER to share the good news. She had wanted to assure herself that this wasn't some horrible dream, and she had hallucinated it all. She refused to gloat in front of Rinehart, though that was exactly what she wanted to do. She smiled to herself in the elevator at the thought of his sheepish look. He'd been wrong. For once in his life, he had been wrong, and didn't know quite what to say to her. Especially after she had given him the cutting edge of her tongue on too many occasions to count. He'd tried to be pompous, telling her that this could only be temporary, but her glare had succeeded in cutting him off. Ray was awake, and she would make damn sure that he stayed that way.

She couldn't help but think of her dream of Michael. She had played the dream over and over in her mind and still couldn't shake the feeling that it had been a message. Whether it was just her subconscious as Abby believed, or if Michael had actually come to her, she didn't know.

_He needs you…and I know you need him…_

She wasn't ready to analyze it too closely. Not yet. Maybe later when she was certain that Ray was out of danger. Maybe then she could turn it over in her mind until she could find a solution. Until that time came, she would just live in the moment. As Ray seemed to do so well.

The grin she had been holding in suddenly broke free. She laughed aloud, feeling giddy as a schoolgirl for the first time in her life, and for the first time since this nightmare began, her heart didn't feel burdened down by guilt or remorse.

The elevator doors opened and she sprang out, feeling better than she had in ages. The nurses she passed gave her odd looks at the sight of the unfamiliar smile on her face. She ignored them, searching for Abby. She didn't care suddenly what they thought of her. She was happy. Ray was awake, and she had a second chance. They would never understand even if she tried to tell them.

She found Abby at Reception. Her doctor had put her on limited duty for the remainder of her pregnancy, and with Jerry gone, she was minding the phones. By the sullen look on her face, Neela surmised that her news would be very welcome. Neela couldn't contain her excitement as she approached.

"Abby."

Abby raised her head from her hand at the sound of Neela's voice. Her heart went to her throat for a moment with fear. Neela hadn't come to the ER voluntarily in weeks. She scanned Neela's face and her anxiety eased off at the sight of the smile on her face. Relief, quick and biting, made her suck in her breath sharply.

"Oh, God. He's awake."

Neela nodded quickly and let out a slightly wild laugh. Abby rounded the desk and gave her a hug as she laughed and cried at the same time.

"What happened?"

They both turned at the sound of Pratt's voice.

"Ray's awake," Neela said, steeling herself for his censure. She had been avoiding him since the day this had started. She couldn't forget that Pratt was Michael's best friend, and he'd never approved of Ray. She hadn't wanted to hear that Michael wouldn't want her to be with Ray. It was time that she started living her own life, as Michael had asked her to do.

As expected, his face darkened for a moment before he nodded.

"About time," he said finally. "Didn't he know that he had someone waiting for him?"

She gave him a sharp look, and he offered a small smile. She relaxed and returned his smile until he turned away from her.

"Listen up, people!" he called out. The staff froze in place, their gazes darting between him and Neela in silent expectation. "Neela has something to say."

He stepped aside, leaving her feeling suddenly exposed. She hated public speaking. She always had. It made her feel self-conscious to have all eyes on her. And the eyes of the ER staff she resented most of all. She drew a deep breath, her gaze taking in the anxious looks from her audience. She drew courage from the fact that what she had to say would be welcomed.

"Ray came out of the coma," she said clearly, her smile breaking free once again. She couldn't help herself. Just to be able to say those words was more than a relief. She ducked her head at the applause and whoops that sounded through the ER.

"I don't want everyone sneaking off to see him!" Pratt called out over the uproar. "We still have a job to do, and the man needs rest."

Abby gave him a scowl before she turned back to Neela.

"I'll be up after shift to see him," she said stubbornly. She rubbed her hand across her belly. "I have a few things to say to him."

Neela smiled and nodded.

"I'll tell him. He was asking about you. He wanted to know if you were all right."

Abby ducked her head to hide the sudden tears in her eyes. Damn pregnancy hormones. She was forever crying over nothing.

"Let him know that I'll be up," she said, doing her best to keep her voice steady.

Neela bit her lip and nodded. "I'll tell him." She squeezed Abby's arm before turning away. "I have to go back up," she said looking over her shoulder. "I'll see you later?"

Abby nodded. "Absolutely."

Neela smiled and made her way back to the lift. She couldn't explain the sense of urgency that she felt to be back in his room, at his side. She was half afraid that she would suddenly wake up and this would all be a dream. She would be back in Abby's cold apartment with nothing to look forward to but day after day of despair. She smiled. She had so much more to look forward to now.

If only she could get around the little problem of not being able to say what was in her heart.

She ducked through the doors on Ray's floor, her mind on how exactly she could tell him. She'd come close earlier, but had caught herself. She wasn't sure why she had done so. It was all she'd been thinking of since the moment she'd learned of his injuries. It was so hard to give up the old habits, the inhibitions that had kept her from speaking her mind on so many occasions. She took a deep breath at his door, determined to finally say what she wanted to say.

Her head held high, she opened the door and froze, her heart in her throat.

Ray was gone.

In a panic, she fled from the room, jogging down the corridor to the nurse's station. The charge nurse was there, looking over forms and typing information in the computer. Neela slammed her hand on the desk, causing her to jump in surprise.

"Dr. Barnett," she said with a hint of steel in her tone. "Where is he?"

The woman glanced around as if she wasn't sure whom Neela was talking about, although she should have. There wasn't a staff member on this floor that didn't know who Neela Rasgotra was.

"Where is he?" Neela asked again, raising her voice.

"Neela, I'm right here."

Neela swung around, her heart beating in an uneven rhythm. He was sitting in a wheelchair in the hall behind her. His expression was one of amusement until he saw the look on her face. He frowned in concern.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She nodded, trying to bring her emotions under control. She was acting like bloody psychopath

"I just didn't know where you were," she said lamely.

His smile was all she could have hoped for, slightly mocking but brilliant nonetheless.

"You've gotten too used to me being in one spot," he said. He glanced up at the nurse that held the handles of the chair. "They just took me down for some tests." His eyes narrowed on her face. "I'm fine, Neela."

She nodded, half ashamed of herself for her erratic behavior. She followed the nurse as she took him back to his room and helped him back to bed.

"God!" he said as he collapsed on the bed. "I can't believe how weak I am!"

"Well, what do you expect?" Neela shot out as the nurse left them alone. "You were shot. You haven't moved in a month."

He smiled at her then grimaced. "And remind me the next time I order a CT Scan that I should warn the patient first. Those things are just an embarrassing situation waiting to happen."

Neela laughed as she pulled the blanket over him.

"I'll remember," she said. "Right now, though you need to get some rest."

Ray glanced at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Look who's talking. When was the last time you slept in a real bed?"

She looked away, raising one shoulder in a shrug.

"I don't really remember," she admitted. "I haven't wanted to leave…" she swallowed hard. "I haven't wanted to leave you."

Ray felt his heart skip a beat as he heard those words. Whether or not she admitted it, she cared about him. Deeply. So much so that she had not left him since he'd been injured.

"Lie down with me, Neela," he said softly.

Her gaze snapped to his face, her eyes widening.

"I can't. You need to rest…"

"So do you," he interrupted. "You're so tired you can barely stay upright." He sighed when she still hesitated. "Just for a little while."

She offered a small smile but no further argument as she scooted onto the bed with him. He settled back with her head on his shoulder, and closed his eyes. It felt so good to have her next to him that he never wanted to sleep again. It was enough for him that he could feel her tucked against his side, her arm across his waist. Within moments, she was asleep, her breathing deep and even. He settled his arms around her, holding her as tightly as he dared, wishing that he could keep her this close forever. A fleeting memory flashed through his mind, there and quickly gone. He frowned searching his mind for it, but gave up as exhaustion set in. Everything would come back to him in time, but right now, he was holding the woman he loved as she slept. That was by far the greater miracle.

With soft feel of her hair against his face, Ray closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_First off, as always, we want to thank everyone who has given us their feedback on the past chapters to this piece. We really do appreciate your comments. We want to apologize for the wait on this chapter as well. We've got other projects in the works and sometimes the minutes slip away from us. We hope that this chapter will make up for the wait. Please, let us know what you think of this chapter as well._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

7

Neela woke with the feel of someone gently poking her arm. She turned with a small moan, her eyes slitted against the glare in the room. _Why is it so bright in here?_ Her first thought was of Ray, and she sat bolt upright to look down at his face. His color was good, and his eyes moved in REM sleep beneath his lids. Breathing a sigh of relief, she turned her head to see Abby standing by the bed, grinning at her.

"Morning, sunshine."

Neela scowled at her until she realized what she had said. She glanced at the window and back again.

"I slept through the night?" she asked incredulously. "I thought you were coming by last night after your shift."

Abby's smile widened.

"We did," she said. "Luka and I. You two looked so peaceful sleeping there that we didn't want to wake you. I knew that you haven't been getting much sleep lately."

Neela felt her face heat up, but she couldn't help but smile. She never would have believed that she could have slept so soundly scrunched up with Ray on a bed made for one occupant, but she had. She felt more rested than she had since she'd lived in his apartment. She looked back down at his face as he began to stir. His hand sought her out before his eyes even opened, clutching at her arm as if to reassure himself that she was still there. When his eyes opened, and he smiled up at her, she thought that her heart would stop beating right then.

"Hey, Ray," Abby said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

His eyes darted to her, and he pushed himself up. His gaze went from her face to the bulge of her belly and back again.

"I feel good, considering I've been asleep for a month. How are you?" he asked seriously.

Her eyes dropped from his to where her fingers plucked at the blanket.

"We're fine," she said softly before she looked up at his face. "Thank you, Ray."

Relief flooded through him, as he looked away, his face heating with embarrassment.

"Well, at least it got me some time off work," he said to cover his discomfort. "Too bad I can't walk and the band's in California. Otherwise…"

"Ray!" Neela said sharply.

He grinned at her as she stared at him sternly.

"What? I'm just kidding. I'm not going anywhere." _At least not without you, _his mind finished for him.

She raised an eyebrow and pushed herself from the bed. Ray felt the loss of her beside him immediately and had to fight the urge to pull her back.

"Where are you going?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound as desperate as he felt.

"I have something I have to do," she said, a grin breaking out across her face. "I'm just going to leave you in Abby's hands for a little while."

Ray relaxed a little at the look in her eyes. He'd seen that look before. If she was up to teasing him, then she would be back, if only to see his reaction.

What he didn't expect was her lunge at the bed to place an almost chaste kiss on his cheek or the feel of her hand gently stroking the back of his neck. The feel of her cool fingers touching his skin was enough to get his blood boiling and send chills down his spine at the same time.

"I'll be back," she whispered in his ear as she bounded for the door.

Ray looked at Abby in stunned silence, and she grinned back.

"Well, I didn't see that coming," she said, laughter evident in her voice.

Neither had he, but he wasn't going to complain. A kiss was a kiss, and he'd take them all if they came from her. He glanced at Abby and cleared his throat.

"Neela told me that Jerry was hit," he said to cover his embarrassment. Her expression turned serious, but her sharp eyes remained on him.

"Yes. He's home now, recovering well," she told him.

He raised an eyebrow at her tone and settled his back against the wall.

"And everyone else? No one else was hurt?"

"Everyone's fine," she said, her voice telling him that she didn't want to get into it now. "Everyone's been worried about you," she said.

"Tell them not to worry about me," he scoffed, but he couldn't help but smile. "So when are you and Luka getting married?"

Abby searched his face for a moment. With a sigh, she moved toward a chair and lowered her bulk into it with a grimace.

"Why don't you ask what you really want to, Ray?"

He opened his mouth to deny it, but he couldn't. Abby, for some reason, always saw through him. She always knew when he was hiding something. He sighed, knowing it was useless to lie.

"I don't really know where to start," he said.

She tilted her head a little, her piercing gaze boring into him.

"Why don't we start with what's happening between you and Neela?"

His mouth dropped open and his eyes widened.

"Nothing," he stammered. "Why does everyone think…"

"Oh, come on, Ray! Let's cut the crap. First, we find out that she's your next of kin…"

"And you know that how?" he asked, narrowing his eyes on her.

"Because I'm the one that had to make the call," she shot back. "Why, Ray? Why would you list her as your next of kin?"

He tore his eyes from hers to stare up at the ceiling.

"I never thought I'd have to use that thing," he said harshly.

"That's what you get for thinking," Abby said dryly. "But it still doesn't answer my question."

Ray rolled his eyes.

"All I'm going to say is that it's a long story and I really don't want to get into it," he ground out finally. "Especially not with Neela coming back any minute."

Abby continued to glare at him until he looked away. Finally she sighed.

"Fine then. Keep your secrets, but I just want to know one thing."

"Oh, God! What now?"

She gave him a sharp look.

"Calm down, Ray. If I get you riled up, Neela's likely to have my head. I just want to know…"

"What is it you want to know, Abby?" he lashed out. "I did everything I could, but she just shut me out. She wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't return my calls, not even after Michael died. Now this happens," he said, throwing his arms out to indicate the hospital room. "The thing is, I was as shocked as anyone to find her here when I woke up…"

He trailed off with a frown, a half formed memory bubbling to the surface. He closed his eyes as pain stabbed him right through his head. He pressed his palm to his temple as the images came at him, faster and faster. He heard Abby say his name with a note of alarm in her voice, and he opened his eyes to look at her in shock. He'd lied. He hadn't been surprised to find her with him. In fact, he'd been expecting it.

"Abby…" he began, not really knowing how to continue.

"God, Ray! Are you all right?" she asked, pushing herself from the chair. She immediately went into doctor mode, her fingers reaching for his wrist to check his pulse. He wrenched his hand away in irritation.

"I'm fine," he told her. "But I just remembered something."

She raised an eyebrow at him as if she didn't quite believe him and settled herself back in her seat.

"What did you remember that made your face go white? Whatever it is, I really would like to know."

He made a face and looked away. The memory was fuzzy, fragmented, but it was there, and he didn't really want to share it. He didn't want her to think he was nuts. He grinned suddenly. What the hell? She already thought he was nuts, he might as well go all the way.

"You're gonna think I'm crazy," he said hesitantly.

She crossed her arms over her chest.

"It's no crazier than some things I've heard, and trust me, I've heard some crazy stories in the past few weeks."

Ray gave her a skeptical look, but sensed some double meaning in her words. Her expression betrayed nothing as she settled her arms over her belly, waiting patiently for him to explain himself. He blew out a breath and looked down at his hands.

"I had a dream about Michael Gallant."

She stared at him for a long silent moment before she uncrossed her arms and sat a little higher in her seat.

"Tell me," she said slowly.

"I really don't remember much," he said ruefully. "Most of it's in pieces. I remember seeing myself in the OR, and he was there, talking to me."

"And what did he say?"

Ray frowned against the headache that was beginning to form between his temples.

"That Neela needed me," he said softly. "That much I remember. And there was something later."

"What?" she asked when he hesitated. Her face was set as a stone, and he couldn't tell anything of what she was thinking from either her expression or tone. He shook his head.

"All I really remember is talking to him again, not really what was said. And when I woke up, I knew that she would be here. I didn't even question it, I just knew." He shot her a sheepish look. "Nuts, right?"

"I didn't say that," she hurried to assure him.

"You didn't have to," he told her sharply. "My problem is, how do I tell her that I…"

"That you love her?" she asked when he broke off. "Don't think we don't know. Everyone in the ER can see it."

He grimaced, remembering what Morris had said to him. He could just imagine what everyone was saying.

"Her husband just died, Abby. How the hell can I tell her how I feel about her now?"

Abby sighed. "Do you love her, Ray? Really love her?"

"Yeah," he sighed finally. "It's why she moved out of our apartment. I think she feels the same way, but with her, it's sometimes hard to tell." He looked at her miserably. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

She smiled.

"You may not have meant for it to happen, but it did…for both of you. I saw the two of you together, and I saw her eyes light up whenever she was around you."

"You're nuts!" he said, a warm feeling settling in his gut. "That didn't really…"

"Yes, it did. And if that isn't enough to convince you, then the fact that she hasn't left this hospital room since you were brought in here should. Even if she doesn't say it, she loves you."

Ray looked away, feeling a slow grin spread across his face. He hadn't been sure, not really. He'd had suspicions and conjecture, but nothing concrete to tell him that Neela loved him. He couldn't declare his feelings for her on a hunch. It didn't change the fact that everyone already knew what he'd never had the foresight to see. Even Gallant, if he'd really been in his dream, knew what Ray felt for Neela, and what Neela felt for him.

"This is nuts, Abby. Why didn't I ever see it?"

"You were too close to it. We were all on the outside looking in." She paused, a faraway look in her eyes as she continued. "No one ever expects to fall in love with someone. Especially not the last person in the world they thought they'd turn to. It happens, Ray. You're not the first and you probably won't be the last."

He ran his hands through his hair and grimaced.

"What the hell am I gonna do?"

She laughed. "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that phrase in the past few weeks, I'd be rich."

"Way to be sensitive to my pain, there, Lockhart. What happened to pregnancy making women more caring? Nurturing..?"

"A complete myth," she said laughing.

"Funny," he said dryly. "I suppose that this will all become gossip fodder soon."

"Not from me. I won't say a word."

He sighed with relief. At least he didn't have to worry about that at the moment. He had other, more important things to think about. Like how the hell he was going to tell Neela about his dreams, about his feelings…about anything that mattered in the broader course of things. He needed time to think, to plan. He was suddenly tired again, though he couldn't think how that was possible. He'd been sleeping for too long as it was.

He glanced at Abby and thought again about what she'd told him. Neela hadn't left this hospital or him since the moment she'd found out. On the one hand, it made him feel good that he hadn't been utterly alone throughout this. He'd had someone who cared about him by his side. On the other, it made him sad to be the reason that she hadn't been living. She'd been waiting for him, shut up in the dark in a lonely vigil.

"I need for you to do me a favor, Abby," he said finally. "Take Neela out of here. Make her leave for a while."

"Do you think I haven't tried?" she laughed. "I've done everything I could to get her to go home and sleep for a few hours at least. The best I could do was stay here while she got a shower and clean clothes. Other than that…" She shrugged, showing how useless an endeavor that was.

"Well, she needs to get out of here for a while," he said stubbornly. "She needs the break, and I need to think. I have to figure out what I'm going to tell her…"

"Tell me what?" Neela asked as she returned to the room.

Ray forced a smile.

"Tell you to get out of here for a while," he said. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. He didn't pause to feel guilty about it. It was all for the greater good after all. "I talked Abby into taking you out to dinner."

Neela frowned and bit her lip, looking between the two of them.

"I don't think…"

"Neela, you've been cooped up here for a month," Abby said smartly. "You need to get out for a little while. Get a decent meal for a change. Hospital food really will kill you."

She smiled suddenly at the joke, and Ray thought his heart would just stop. That was the Neela he remembered. The one who really smiled, lighting up her face. He'd missed that smile. He'd missed a lot of things about her. Hell, he'd even missed her nagging if he got right down to it. He was only grateful that Abby had caught on as quickly as she had.

Neela glanced at him then, her eyebrows raised in question.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked quietly.

Did he want her to go? Not at all. He wanted nothing better than to have her at his side for the rest of his life, but he wasn't selfish enough to keep her here.

"It's just dinner," he said slowly, reluctantly. "And I want to ask you to do something for me."

"What?" she asked, suddenly suspicious.

"I'd really like something better to wear than this," he said, plucking at the hospital gown with distaste.

She laughed and shook her head.

"God forbid anyone see you in that," she said, amused. "Anything else? A cheeseburger, pizza, maybe some cereal?"

He laughed.

"All of it sounds great. I'll take one of every one of those, and something else." He paused and gave her a pleading look. "Could you bring me my guitar?"

She froze, her eyes going shiny with sudden tears.

"I can do that," she said softly.

Their gazes locked and held, a myriad of messages in both. There were so many things to say, so many emotions wrapped into those looks, that Ray didn't know if they would ever be able to get them all out. God knew, he loved her, but that wasn't what scared him. What worried him was would she let him love her?

"We'd better get going," Abby said suddenly, struggling up from her seat and grumbling about it. "Now that we finally got her to agree, I don't want her to change her mind."

Neela glanced at Abby then back at Ray.

"I'll be fine," he told her, seeing the question in her eyes. "Don't worry about me."

She frowned stubbornly, and he couldn't help but smile. Neela would worry if she damn well wanted to, and he could see that in her eyes. She stepped closer to the bed, and took his hand in both of hers.

"I'll be back in a little while," she told him, the look in her eyes warming him.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said lightly. "And no anchovies on my pizza either."

She smiled and turned to go, giving his hand a final squeeze. He watched her go, sweeping from the room like a summer wind. Abby followed, pausing long enough to wink at him before she too was gone, leaving him with nothing but his thoughts.

He wasn't sure what he was going to do about his dream, whether he should tell her or not. It made no sense that it would be his subconscious. He hadn't been close enough to Gallant to have that man be his Jimminy Cricket. And he didn't know if he should tell Neela and cause her more pain. He'd already caused her enough as it was.

He settled back on the bed, his mind abuzz with questions, uncertainty. States that he'd rarely suffered before.

Now however, he had so much more to lose.


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow, It's been a while since this was updated! We hope that you'll all forgive us for that. RL kind of came up and blindsided us. Please let us know what you think of this chapter as well...whether or not it was worth the wait...lol. And, as always..._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

8

"So, where did you go?" Abby asked once they were in the elevator.

Neela laughed. "To call the band. They're still at the hotel. I think I woke Brett up."

"You don't sound sorry for that," Abby laughed as she stepped from the lift into the ER hallway.

"Not a chance. And he wasn't either when I told him that Ray was awake."

"So they're coming?"

"They'll be here before we get back, I'm sure. Which means I have to get back soon with that guitar."

Abby rolled her eyes as they left the hospital and headed for the station. "First, I'm buying you breakfast. You haven't eaten anything worth a crap in weeks."

Neela stifled her annoyance. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to be gone for too long. If it had been anyone but Ray suggesting that she leave, she would never have done it. Now that she was out, all she could think of was Ray sitting there all alone. She had wasted so much time…

"Neela!"

"What?" she asked, embarrassed that she'd been caught daydreaming. Abby only laughed.

"You've got it bad," she said, taking hold of her arm. She practically dragged her across the street and toward the café. Neela said nothing, though heat flooded her face. She couldn't deny it. She did have it bad. She smiled as they entered, fighting the last of the breakfast crowd. She never would have thought that she could fall as hard as she had for a rocker, but she had. Ray was everything that she wasn't. Confident, cocky, disorganized, but the way he made her feel… That was what she had been missing.

"Earth to Neela…come in, Neela."

Neela snapped her head around to find Abby staring at her with one eyebrow raised. She ducked her head.

"Sorry."

Abby made a rude noise and glanced up at the waitress that approached. They placed their orders and waited until the woman came back with coffee before anything else was said. When Neela saw Abby turn that hard glare on her, she sighed, knowing that she was in for it.

"So, I take it that you haven't told him yet."

Neela opened her mouth, intending to ask her friend what she was talking about, but shut it again. She knew exactly what Abby was referring to. There was no point in denying it.

"No, I haven't. There hasn't been time."

"What are you waiting for, Neela? He needs to know that you love him."

Neela's face went hot. In point of fact, her whole body went hot.

"I never said…"

"Dammit! When are you going to stop playing this denial game? You're both worse than a couple of children."

"Am not," Neela said with a cheeky smile.

Abby rolled her eyes before glancing down at her belly.

"Pray that you're an only child," she said smartly, before looking back at Neela. "You have to tell him."

"I know. I will. It just hasn't been the right time." Neela paused, slowly sipping her coffee. "I've been thinking…"

"There's your trouble right there," Abby said with a smile.

"…About the dream that I had of Michael," Neela continued, ignoring her friend's barbed insult, knowing it for what it was…a sick attempt at humor. She looked down into her coffee cup. She didn't see Abby's sudden stillness or the look of wary shock on her face. "I was thinking that you were right. Maybe it was just my subconscious."

Abby said nothing. She wasn't sure what she should say. This was beyond freaky. This was some next level stuff. She was just an ER doctor. She didn't believe in the "Great Beyond". But Neela _and_ Ray having a dream about Michael? That was just too coincidental.

"Does it really matter now anyway?" she asked. "He's awake. You have the chance to do what should have been done a long time ago."

Neela smiled, heat blooming in her belly to spread throughout her body. Yes, she had another chance. The chance that she hadn't dared hope for. It was in her grasp at last, but would he still accept it? Her smile faltered, worry creeping in to chill her. She had so much to make up for. Harsh words had been spoken, actions taken or avoided. She had hurt him. Would he really be able to forgive her when all was said and done?

She didn't know, but as she ate, she decided that she was willing to take that chance. She had to. There was no other choice.

When they left the café, Neela felt as if her heart would just burst. She was going home. The home that she had made with Ray. It didn't matter to her that it was only for a few moments to get his clothes and guitar. The memories there were enough for her.

"I just bloody hope that I won't have to fight off a horde of creatures when we get there," she muttered under her breath, only half joking.

Abby gave her a startled look.

"What are you talking about?"

"He was such a slob when I lived there," Neela said as they left the train. "I just hope that there aren't roaches the size of house cats in there. He's been gone for a month."

Abby shuddered.

"Nice visual," she said sourly. "If nothing else, I'll go in first and you can cover my back."

Neela laughed as they mounted the stairs to his apartment. She made a show of unlocking the door, and Abby, playing along, shoved it open and went first. Neela waited until she heard a low whistle.

"What?" she asked.

"This place is like a cracker box," Abby remarked. "How did two of you live here?" Neela heard footsteps then silence. "You know, if this is how a slob lives, then sign me up."

Frowning, Neela pushed past her to stare in amazement. The place was immaculate. Books lined the shelves in order. CD cases were stacked neatly in the tower or on the shelf beside the stereo. There were no dirty clothes on the couch, chair or floor. She turned around to look in the kitchen and her jaw dropped. Dishes were sitting in the drainer not stacked in a filthy pile beside the sink. In fact, there was nothing on the counter at all except for the coffee maker and toaster.

"This must have been a hardship," Abby said mildly. "Living with the ultimate neat freak." She paused with a sly grin. "Not to mention all the intimate encounters in the hallway. Seeing him without a shirt when he got out of the shower…"

Neela felt heat rush to her face as she turned to glare at her. Abby only laughed and let her gaze wander over the front rooms. Neela really hadn't needed a reason to think of that, but now that she had, the picture was in her head. She cleared her throat to cover her embarrassment.

"He was never like this…"_…when I lived here,_ her mind finished. She glanced around, searching for his prized possession and frowned. The stand where it usually resided was empty. Turning toward the hall, she wondered if it was in his room. Her nose wrinkled. She didn't want to go in that room. She could accept that he would keep the front rooms clean, but his own room? That was stretching it. Likely, the mess had simply migrated from the apartment to his bedroom.

"I guess I should check his room," she said reluctantly. "He still wants clothes…"

"Yeah, we've got to get you back to the hospital. Wouldn't want to be gone too long."

Neela gave her an exasperated look, and Abby held out her hands defensively.

"Sorry, I'll stop." She looked back at Ray's door. "Well, are you going in or not?"

When Neela didn't move, Abby rolled her eyes.

"Good God! It can't be that bad," she said as she went to his bedroom door. Flinging open the door she simply stood staring. "Oh, yeah. This is a nightmare, " she said sarcastically.

Neela crossed the room to stand beside her friend. She couldn't believe it. This room was as clean as the rest of the place. His bed was even made. Neela could only gape in astonishment. She gave Abby a startled look.

"I don't see the guitar in here," her friend said, seemingly unaffected by the complete turnaround in Neela's once chaotic roommate.

Neela wished that she could be the same. She couldn't even define the emotions that were churning through her. There was annoyance, or something resembling it. He'd never been like this when she had lived here. She'd spent half her time picking up after him just so she could walk through the apartment without tripping. Confusion was her chief emotion however. Why had he done this? She sighed and entered the room, pulling out drawers on the dresser. It was one of a score of questions that she had to ask when she got back to the hospital. Abby came in, turning in a slow circle, her eyes scanning the room.

"His guitar isn't in here," she said, opening the closet to look.

"I looked in there already," Neela said as she stuffed tee shirts and sweats into a bag she had fished out of the closet. "I don't know where it could be then."

"What about your old room?"

Neela paused and glanced at her. "I don't know why it would be in there," she said as she returned to her task.

"He's likely using it for storage."

Abby shrugged and left the room. "Doesn't hurt to look," she called over her shoulder.

She was back a moment later, her face carefully blank.

"I think you should come see this," she said softly.

Neela froze, her eyes widening. Without a word, she left his room and followed Abby down the hall to her old room. Mixed feelings and heart-wrenching memories assailed her as she went. Memories of sleepless nights listening to him through the walls. The bitter memory of leaving. The look in his eyes as he'd stood in the doorway, watching her pack. She quickly shut the door on those memories before they threatened to swamp her. She took a deep breath and edged past Abby to enter.

Nothing had been moved. Everything that she had left behind was still in the same place, as if waiting for her to return. She felt the breath slam from her chest as her eyes took it in. Her gaze came to rest on the bed, the only part of the room that had been touched. His guitar lay resting on the blanket beside scattered sheet music. The rumpled blanket told the story. He'd sat there, on her bed, writing music. With a trembling hand, she pulled one sheet of music from the bed and scanned the top. Tears filled her eyes, blurring the words.

_Her Song _

"He wrote a song for you," Abby said softly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Neela said, but the tone lacked conviction. He'd written this for her. Somehow, deep in her heart, she knew it. Quickly, she gathered up the music into a neat stack, passing it to Abby. She grabbed the guitar, surprised as always at its weight. "We'd better get this back to him," she said softly, unable to even force a smile. Her emotions were too raw for any of that. Abby gave her an understanding look and a half smile before she turned and left the room.

Neela stayed where she was a moment, cradling the instrument in her arms. She closed her eyes, just letting the air around her draw away her tension. He'd been in her room. He'd sat right there, writing music for her.

For her.

She took another deep breath, trying to stave off the tears that threatened. She really had so much to atone for. Even after she had hurt him so badly, he'd still thought enough of her to put his feelings to music. That alone told her how much he truly did care about her. With a sigh, she opened her eyes, taking one last look around. If all went well, she would be returning to this room soon. She didn't kid herself that she could have anything more with him. There were so many things that needed to be said before that could happen.

Quietly, she left the room, closing the door behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

_All right, people...we know that it's been a while, but we've been insanely busy. Football and cheerleading practice, soccer practice, homework...and that's just for the kids...lol! We'll try to do better from now on. We want to thank everyone who has reviewed on the previous chapters and given us their input. We really appreciate it. We hope that you'll continue to do so with this one. As always..._

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

9

Ray opened his eyes at the feel of a hand running through his hair. With a soft sigh he looked up into the dark eyes that he'd grown to depend on, and the emotion shining out at him was enough to set his heart to pounding.

"Neela," he said softly. It was only her name, but to him it meant so much more. That name was the embodiment of everything he cared about in this life. She was everything he'd never known he wanted. But now that he knew, it wasn't just 'want'…it was _need_. He needed her. He took her wrist in his hand and pulled her hand to his lips, barely brushing her skin in a light caress.

She smiled and leaned over him to kiss him. He groaned at the taste of her and wondered briefly if his heart had stopped. He was really dead, and by some weird twist, he was in heaven. He reached up to frame her face in his hands, his fingers tangling in her silky hair.

"I've missed you," she said softly against his lips, her fingers brushing through his hair, stroking his cheek. Her words sent his heart pounding in his ears. Anything else she might have said was lost to the rush of blood. He closed his eyes, savoring her words, marveling at the feel of her hands touching him.

"I missed you so much," he said, his heart in his throat as she climbed on the bed to sit in his lap.

"Aww, shucks, Ray. I'm touched."

Ray jerked awake at the sound of that familiar voice close to his ear. Shock barely had time to register at the sight of his friend standing beside his bed, grinning at him, before embarrassment set in. He scowled as Brett laughed.

"It's amazing what you say when you're asleep," he said.

"I was having a good dream," Ray said darkly. "I should kick your ass for ruining it."

Brett's grin widened.

"But you won't. You love me too much."

"You think?"

Brett snorted in derision. "Boy, you can barely get out of that bed much less kick my ass. I wouldn't want to humiliate you. You're no challenge right now. Heal up a little and we'll see."

Ray couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.

"You're on," he said, holding out his hand. To his surprise, Brett took it and leaned forward to give him an awkward half hug.

"Glad to see ya, man," Brett said, his voice choked.

Ray closed his eyes at the sound, fighting back his own emotions. It was more than good to see him. He'd very nearly lost everything including this. He didn't comment on the conspicuous moisture around his friend's eyes when Brett pulled away.

"The next time you want to do something heroic, do it in the ER."

Ray grinned.

"Apparently, I did," he said smartly earning a scowl.

"You know what I mean, Barnett. Jesus! Who the hell do you think you are? Superman?"

Ray shrugged. He hardly remembered what he'd done, but even he had to admit that he wasn't bulletproof. Neither was he ready to think about the what-ifs. What if that bullet had been just a little higher? What if Albright hadn't been the surgeon she was? He glanced at Brett and could see that he didn't want to talk about that either.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," he said lightly.

"I'm sure it did," Brett said tightly, though he didn't look half as pissed as he sounded. "Christ, Barnett! You need a damn keeper."

"Look who's talking."

"I'm not the one who got shot." Brett frowned, looking down at the floor. "I lost ten years off my life when Neela called and told me what happened."

Ray's mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Neela called you?" he asked incredulously. It was no secret that the two of them mixed like oil and water. That she had done that for him only deepened what he already felt for her.

"Yeah, she did. The boys and I hopped the last flight here the next day."

Ray's shock deepened and he glanced at the door.

"You're all here?"

"Yep. Even Nicky, who is terrified of flying. We had to get him drunk to get him on the plane." He shrugged and scratched at his head. "Of course, it didn't help that we made him watch 'Snakes on a Plane' before we came. They're waiting in the hall."

Ray could only smile faintly. He wasn't sure what to feel at the moment. His emotions were all over the place, but chief among them was gratitude. Gratitude to Neela for calling them. Gratitude that they had all cared enough to come.

"I'm glad you came," he managed to say.

"What else could we do, man? You should have known that we would." Brett paused, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "About Neela…" he began hesitantly.

"I know what you're going to say," Ray said with a sigh. "After what happened how can I…"

"That's not what I was going to say," Brett snapped, shooting him a look of annoyance. "She's been through some shit, Ray. She's done nothing but sit here with you, hoping you'd wake up. You need to stop playing these games with her and tell her how you feel."

"I'm not playing games, Brett. I was giving her space…"

"Space," Brett echoed. "She doesn't need space. She needs you."

Ray frowned.

"I'm going to, but I don't think that now is the right time. Jesus, Brett! She just lost her husband."

"She almost lost you, too. And she never would have known that you love her."

Ray said nothing to deny it. He was sure that during some of the drunken phone calls, he had probably let that slip. He wasn't going to get pissed at Brett for bringing up things that he couldn't remember.

"Don't you think that after everything she's gone through that she deserves some truth from you?" Brett asked quietly. "She's in love with you, you know."

Ray looked away from the sincerity in Brett's eyes.

"Why are you suddenly defending her?" he asked tightly, avoiding Brett's last statement. "If I remember right, you kept telling me to forget about her."

"That was before I thought about it. That was before I saw her and how broken up she looked. And you…you're not being fair to her by keeping her in the dark."

"Abby keeps saying pretty much the same thing," Ray admitted.

"Abby is right." Brett paused, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I'm done telling you what to do, now. I said what I needed to say." He grinned and turned toward the door.

"Brett."

His friend paused, glancing at him over his shoulder.

"What if she leaves again?"

Brett shrugged, his gaze never leaving Ray's face. Finally he sighed heavily.

"That's something you'll have to work out, Ray. But you know what'll happen if you don't say anything?"

Ray shook his head.

"Nothing, that's what. I'll go get the boys. I'm sure they all what to give you shit too."

Ray nodded and leaned against the pillows on the bed to wait. Brett's last words echoed over and over in his head. _Nothing, that's what._ It was true. He'd done nothing when she had moved out, giving her the watered down version of what he'd felt for her. It hadn't been enough. He'd done nothing when she had walked away from him on the roof, and it had gotten him nothing. It was time to stop sitting on his ass waiting for something to happen. It was time to start making his own luck. He grinned, suddenly feeling as if a weight had lifted from him. And when the band came in, making enough noise to wake the dead, he gave them a genuine welcome.

000000

"Hey! Neela's here!" Morris said as they walked into the ER overloaded with food and things from Ray's apartment. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of the guitar. "Where's the rest of the band?" he asked, doing a little dance, shaking his butt.

"Shut up, Morris," Neela muttered as she passed, adjusting her grip on her burden. She barely spared him a glance. She wasn't in the mood for him right now.

"What did I say?" he asked Abby, and she paused to look at him with one eyebrow raised.

"You ate paint chips as a child didn't you?" she asked sarcastically before moving on.

"Pregnancy hormones," he muttered, heading for reception.

"I thought he was supposed to be gone already," Neela said as she shifted her load to press the elevator button.

"We're short staffed right now with Ray gone. It's slow going finding someone to replace Morris anyway, so he said he'd stay until Ray can come back."

Neela processed that information as the elevator took them up. She wondered if it would be too much to ask to come back to the ER instead of going back to surgery.

When the elevator doors opened on Ray's floor, Neela paused, a slow grin splitting her face.

"It looks like we got here just in time," she said, taking in the pained looks on the faces of the nurses. Abby frowned as the sounds of raucous laughter and music drifted down the hall to them.

"What the hell..?" she asked.

"The band is here," Neela said with a laugh. "Trust me, I would know that noise anywhere. I had to live with that for years."

Abby glanced at her in sympathy.

"And all this time I thought you were just exaggerating. They were really like this?" she asked as several patients came to their doors and glanced up and down the hall in confusion. She shifted the pizza she carried to her hip and adjusted the strap on the bag she was carrying over her shoulder.

Neela laughed and started down the hall to Ray's room. The sounds only grew louder as she closed in on the room. One of the nurses stopped her, eyeing the guitar she carried and the bags of fast food from Ray's favorite café.

"Dr. Rasgotra, you have got to tell them to keep it down. We have other patients on the floor that need to rest. All this noise is distracting."

Neela bit her lip and counted to ten before she tried to speak. She was afraid that if she didn't, she would just burst out laughing.

"I'll talk to them, but I don't know how much good it will do. They tend to not care who they disturb."

"Well they had better care," the woman snapped. "Especially when I call security."

Neela's laughter dried up to be replaced by annoyance.

"He's been asleep for a month, and hasn't seen his friends for longer than that. I don't think it's too much to ask that he spend a little time with them," she said quietly.

The nurse scowled, and said nothing as she spun on her heel, retreating down the hall. Neela sighed, tightening her grip on the instrument in her overloaded arms. If she hadn't already lost her surgical residency, she was going to ask to go back to the ER. The people up here were entirely too uptight. She froze, suddenly realizing what she was thinking and laughed out loud. Neela, the epitome of uptight, was annoyed by these people. Amazing.

She shook her head at Abby's questioning look and shoved open the door. Her ears were immediately assaulted by the sound of rock music. Live and in Dolby surround sound. They guys were arranged around the room with everything but the drums. Ray sat on the edge of the bed in an animated discussion with Brett. At the sight of Neela, standing in the doorway smiling, he yelled for everyone to stop. The sudden silence left her ears ringing.

"I see that nothing changes," she said without rancor. "You can still annoy the neighbors when you really want to."

Brett grinned.

"It's what we're best at," he said. "What? Did Hatchet-face, the Neo-Nazi Nurse say something to you?"

"Yes, and she's quite ready to call security to have you all thrown out. Just tone it down, okay?"

Brett's eyes rolled to the ceiling before he let out a long-suffering sigh.

"If we must," he said finally. "But I see that you brought Superman's guitar, so you can't mean to have us stop altogether."

Neela smiled and shook her head. She had missed Brett's insane turns of thought. Pain in the ass as he was, he still had a unique outlook on the world. Her gaze drifted to Ray who was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. She smiled uncertainly, and he returned the smile, but it seemed strained. Her heart fluttered a little, but she ignored the fear she suddenly felt. She crossed the room to give him the guitar.

"It took a moment to find this," she said, placing the instrument in his hands. His face registered confusion for a moment before realization hit him. He opened his mouth to speak, his eyes wide in his face, but she cut him off. "We'll talk later," she said softly, lightly squeezing his hand before she handed him the rest of her offerings. He actually moaned as the scent of the burger drifted from the grease soaked paper bag.

"Oh, I so love you," he said before tearing into the food, seeming oblivious to the fact that Neela's heart had stopped. She glanced at Brett and he only smiled at her before jumping from his perch beside Ray and heading for Abby.

"Did you bring that just for me?" he asked, giving her his best little boy pout. Abby raised an eyebrow and glanced at Neela.

"Is he for real?" she asked.

Neela nodded, unable to speak. She was still in shock over Ray's words. He seemed not to realize what he'd said. Did that mean that it was just a figure of speech? A phrase he'd just happened to use to express his gratitude? Or was there some deeper meaning there? She shook her head, struggling to bring her racing pulse under control. She took a deep breath and moved away from the bed, trying to bring herself under control. She knew that she was over examining it, but that didn't help things. Telling herself that did nothing to stop the rush of emotion that his words had evoked. She looked at Abby, forcing her mind to focus on what was being said. Brett was trying to talk her out of the pizza she carried, and Abby was having none of it.

"Ray isn't going to eat all of that, and I haven't had a Chicago deep dish in ages."

"Then ask Ray to share," Abby said, placing the box on the bed beside the now empty burger bag. "I think he still remembers how to do that."

"Not a chance," Ray said around a mouthful of bun. "I haven't had a burger or pizza in a month. I have catching up to do."

Brett made a face.

"Didn't you learn anything in kindergarten?" he asked dryly.

"I learned how to tie my shoes," Ray offered, flipping the pizza box open and leaning in to breathe in the scent of sauce and melted cheese.

"You know, Ray, manners are good things," she huffed.

"Thanks?" he managed around another huge bite of burger.

She rolled her eyes and glanced at her watch.

"Neela, I have to go. I'm on in about fifteen minutes."

Neela nodded.

"I'll see you later then," she said. "Thank you for helping me."

"No problem. Maybe tomorrow we'll try to get you out of here again."

Neela smiled and murmured something noncommittal. She wasn't leaving this place again until she could take Ray home.

"And on that note, we're gonna split too," Brett said. "Since Barnett can't grow up and share his food…"

"Hey, I'm hungry!" Ray retorted.

"Then we're going to go get something to eat," Brett finished with a grin. "There isn't enough here for all of us anyway. Don't worry about it."

Ray swallowed. "You coming back?" he asked as they filed out the door.

"Later. We'll leave our stuff and maybe we can jam like old times."

Ray grinned. "You're on."

Neela waited until they were gone before pulling up a chair beside the bed. She couldn't help but watch with sick fascination as he devoured his food.

"Good God!" she said finally. "Are you even tasting that?"

He nodded, his mouth stuffed full of pizza.

"You're going to make yourself sick eating like that."

"Don't care," he said. "I'm starving. The food they brought me this morning wouldn't feed a fly."

She paused. "If you're feeling this good, then you'll be wanting to go home soon."

He stopped eating for a moment, turning his eyes on her, his expression unreadable.

"I'd go home today if I could."

She looked away, uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"Well, I can see what I can do," she said, a blush heating her face. "As things are, I could pretty much have anything I want at the moment. The nurses won't go for too many more visits from the boys."

He shrugged. "We weren't that loud…"

"Abby and I could hear you in the elevator one floor down," she said, grinning.

"Oops."

Neela laughed as he sighed and fell back against the bed. She glanced at detritus on the bed and raised her eyebrows at the amount of food that he'd consumed. The burger and fries were gone and the pizza was half eaten.

"Are you finally full?"

He groaned.

"I think I ate too much"

"Like that's never happened before." She paused, her laughter drying up. "Ray? Can I ask you…"

He blew out a breath.

"You want to know about the music," he said, lifting his head to look at her.

She nodded, biting her lip. She watched as his eyes drifted shut and a muscle in his jaw twitched. Suddenly, she was afraid to hear what he had to say. She was afraid that he was about to tell her that he'd written it for someone else. That she was being selfish to think that he'd given her another thought once she'd left.

But that couldn't be true. Could it? If the messages she'd received from him were any indication, she had been very much on his mind. She forced air into her lungs, waiting for him to speak, hoping for a miracle.


	10. Chapter 10

_Hi, all. It's been a looooong while since we updated this, but we're doing our best to get our crap together...Sorry about the delay. We really do thank everyone who has reviewed the previous chapters. We appreciate your feedback, and hope that you'll continue to do so with this chapter. _

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

10

Ray couldn't breathe as he thought of what he was about to tell her. He turned words over in his mind, discarding everything that he could possibly say. What could he tell her? That he'd thought of nothing but her since the day she'd moved out? That he loved her so much that it hurt? That the only way to deal with the pain was to let it out, and the only way he could do that was to write music? It all sounded like pleas from a desperate man. He glanced at her and could see in her eyes that his hesitation hurt her. He blew out a breath, giving up. It was all or nothing. He opened his mouth to speak, but froze at a knock at the door.

Kerri Weaver entered without waiting for an invitation. Hell, she really didn't need one. As chief of staff, she practically owned the place. Her eyes scanned the room, taking in the instruments with a practiced frown. When her eyes came to rest on him, he thought that they softened a little, but it could have been his imagination.

"I see that the Monkees showed up," she said coolly. "Tell me, Barnett, do you intend on alienating the entire floor today or will you save that for another day?"

"Why put off till tomorrow what I could do today?" he asked smartly, cursing inwardly when her eyes flashed in annoyance.

Her eyes flicked to pin Neela where she sat.

"And did I hear right that you encouraged this?"

Neela bit her lip and glanced at Ray for a split second before nodding.

"I asked them to tone it down," she said, trying to make the frown line between Weaver's eyes go away. If anything, her scowl deepened. She held the expression for a long moment before she sighed wearily. Ray swallowed hard at the exhaustion in her face as she closed her eyes and shook her head. It hadn't been his intention to make her job harder that it obviously was. He again had neglected to think of anyone but himself. Kerri was still dealing with the aftermath of the shootout, and he was only making things worse.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. It wasn't something he said to her often, if ever. "I didn't mean…"

"Forget about it, Ray. It's just been a long day for me," she said, forcing a smile. "And if I have to listen to one more complaint from the surgical department about either you or Neela, I will scream."

Ray glanced at Neela in surprise.

"Why would surgery be complaining about you?" he asked.

She cringed, looking away.

"Because Dr. Albright and I had words."

Ray laughed.

"I would have loved to have been in the room for that one."

"You were," Neela told him. "You just weren't in any condition to hear it."

Ray frowned and opened his mouth to ask what they were arguing about when Kerri interrupted.

"Actually, Dr. Albright is the only person I haven't heard from," she said blithely. "Though I already caught wind of what you were arguing about. The truth is, Neela that the nurses on this floor are about to start a revolt if you don't leave. And Dr. Rinehart is having fits over your 'abominable conduct', those were his exact words I believe."

Neela met Kerri's gaze without flinching. She didn't have the smallest crumb of remorse in her for Rinehart's complaints. The pompous ass would have stuck Ray in a home by now if it hadn't been for her. She glanced at Ray and back again.

"I'm not leaving until…"

Kerri sighed heavily.

"I already know," she said tiredly. "That's really what I wanted to talk to the both of you about. Dr. Rinehart says that Ray can go home, but only if he has someone stay with him to monitor him for a while. I know that things are complicated for you, Neela, but I also know that you were roommates…"

Neela felt her heart quicken.

"You want me to go with him," she said, somehow managing to keep the excitement from her voice. She didn't dare look at Ray. She didn't want to see disgust in his expression or reluctance in his eyes. That would be more than she could take.

Weaver glanced at Ray.

"Would that be a problem, Barnett?"

Ray forced himself to breathe, his heart warring between elation and gratitude. He had been trying to come up with some excuse to get Neela back into the apartment without seeming desperate, and Weaver had just provided him with the perfect solution. He cleared his throat to cover his discomfort under her all too knowing gaze. That was a look that saw more than just the surface of things. It was as if Kerri Weaver could see right into the heart of you if she truly wanted to.

"I don't have a problem with it if Neela doesn't," he added the last reluctantly. He almost didn't care if she had a problem with it. He was feeling particularly primitive at the moment and would have carried her off then if he'd been able.

Neela shot him a sidelong look and felt her heart beat unevenly at the look in his eyes. She really couldn't put a name to that look, but it made her feel like a lamb waiting for the wolf to come. She forced her eyes back to Weaver and managed a smile.

"I'd be glad to. I'm sure that Abby would be happy to see me out of this place for a while."

Kerri looked back and forth between the two of them for a moment, her eyes missing nothing. Suddenly a genuine smile lit her face, erasing the haggard lines of exhaustion there.

"Good. I'll see to the paperwork personally." She looked at Ray, her smile almost warm. "It's good to see you up and about, Barnett. I imagine soon you'll be back in the ER, driving me insane again."

Ray searched her expression before he broke into a grin.

"I'll be coming back," he said, wondering if this new Kerri Weaver would still be around when he came back. He doubted it. If nothing else, the woman loved to give him crap.

"Good." She turned and headed for the door. "I'll just see to the paperwork."

Neela rose from her place and followed her into the hall.

"Dr. Weaver, could I have a word with you?"

Weaver paused, giving her a questioning look, waiting for Neela to speak. Neela took a deep breath, a thousand thoughts running through her head. She had been building up to surgery her entire life. It was all she'd wanted when she'd started medical school. And now, she was on the brink of achieving her goal, she was about to throw it away. But things had changed. She had changed, and it was all because of the man in the room behind her.

"I want to come back to the ER," she said, blurting it out before the fear could overcome her.

Weaver searched her face for a long thoughtful moment.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?"

Neela closed her eyes and lowered her head, her heart pounding. Was she sure? She thought of all that had happened since Michael's death, all the confrontations with the surgical staff, including Albright. And she thought of Ray, and what she had almost lost. She opened her eyes and met Kerri's gaze directly.

"I'm sure."

Kerri offered a small smile and nodded.

"I was wondering when you would come to me with this. I wasn't exactly truthful when I said that I hadn't heard from Albright. She was quite incensed with your…lack of direction."

Neela bit the inside of her cheek to keep her temper in check. _Lack of direction, may arse,_ she thought.

"I'll see to it," Weaver continued. "And Ray should be able to leave by the end of the day. Sooner if the staff on this floor have anything to say about it."

Neela nodded.

"Thank you, Dr. Weaver."

Kerri smiled, one of the first true smiles that Neela had ever seen from her.

"You're welcome. Just keep the Lollapolooza concert to a dull roar until you can get out of here. The nurses are likely to kill all of you if you don't."

Neela smiled as Kerri turned and walked away, heading to the nurses' station, barking orders. Shaking her head, she turned back toward Ray's room.

And the unanswered questions that burned in her mind.

She paused, her hand resting on the knob. It hadn't gone unnoticed that he hadn't come up with a ready answer to her question about the music. It hurt that he couldn't trust her enough to answer her directly, but then that was to be expected. She sighed as she pushed open the door. She wouldn't ask again.

"Hey! I'm dressing here!"

Neela froze at the shouted 'Hey!' but pushed on when she saw that he was mostly dressed anyway. Warmth spread from the top of her head to the tips of her toes at the sight of his bare chest and stomach. She'd seen him without his shirt a thousand times, but she had never felt this singeing in her blood before. She bit her lip as her gaze traced the healing scar on his chest, tears filling her eyes with the memory of how he had acquired it. The sudden urge to wrap her arms around him and lay her head against that scar was overwhelming, and she clenched her fists at her sides to keep from doing just that.

"Seen enough?"

She shook herself from her thoughts to focus on Ray. He was staring at her with an inscrutable expression on his face.

"What?"

His lips twisted into an odd smile.

"You were staring. You should know by know what scars look like. You're in surgery."

She narrowed her eyes.

"I wasn't staring at…"

His smile widened, turning smug.

"So it was me you were checking out."

"Don't be ridiculous," she snapped, a blush creeping across her body.

He laughed, easing himself onto the bed again with a heavy sigh.

"Christ! Who would have thought that getting dressed would feel like running a marathon?" He blew out a breath and looked at Neela with a question in his eyes, his brow furrowing.

"What's wrong?" she asked, crossing the room in alarm. _Oh, God, _she thought frantically. _Don't let this be a relapse._

"Nothing. I'm fine…"

"Are you sure? Maybe we shouldn't…"

"Neela, I'm fine," he said in annoyance, rolling his eyes. "I was just wondering…" He paused as if searching for the right words.

"Yes?"

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

She frowned, momentarily confused.

"Do what?"

"You know…take care of me. You don't have to, you know."

"Why would you ask that, Ray?"

He shrugged avoiding her eyes.

"You've had a bad time too, Neela." He cringed and shot her a look of contrition. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

She shook her head. The pain of Michael's death had long faded. She still ached, that was true, but it was pale in comparison to what losing Ray would do to her.

"Who else is going to take care of you, Ray?" she asked pointedly. His expression turned to stone as he looked away. She took a breath. "Why am I listed as your next of kin?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I do."

He gave her a dark look.

"Well, can it be later then? I just want to get ready to go."

She searched his eyes for a long moment before nodding.

"I'll let it go for now," she conceded. "But you have some explaining to do when we get home."

A tingle went up her spine at the word _home._ Home with Ray. Alone. Memories assailed her, seeming to come from all directions. Watching Celebrity Poker and drinking a beer with Ray on the couch. Cleaning up after him. Chasing rockers from the apartment. Listening to him and the latest bimbo through the walls.

The night she'd left.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She shook her head to dislodge the images and focused on the nurse who entered, pushing a wheelchair ahead of her.

"Dr. Barnett is being discharged," she said with no small amount of satisfaction. Neela raised an eyebrow as the woman glanced at her, obviously elated to be rid of her as well. So be it. Neela was happy to leave.

"I really hate this," Ray grumbled as he settled himself into the wheelchair. "Hospital policy sucks."

Neela laughed.

"You couldn't even get dressed without getting tired and you want to walk out of here. You're mad."

He smiled up at her.

"It's what you love about me."

_Yes, it is._

"You're full of yourself today aren't you?" she said aloud.

"Always. Let's get out of here, Neela, before they poison my dinner."

The nurse looked less than pleased to be nudged out of the way, as Neela took the handles of the wheelchair. Her lips thinned before she handed a sheaf of papers to Ray.

"These are your discharge instructions," she said tightly. "And a prescription for pain medication. If you have any problems…"

"Then I'll take care of them," Neela finished. "May we go now?"

The woman nodded and stepped aside.

"What about this stuff?"

Neela glanced around the room, taking in the instruments. She picked up Ray's guitar and placed it across his lap.

"They should be back shortly," she said. "They'll pick them up then."

"What do we do with them until then?"

"Don't touch them," Ray said sternly. "Do you really want four very pissed off musicians in here?"

Neela fought the urge to laugh as her face went red and she stomped from the room.

"Think she's pissed?" Ray asked.

"I'm certain of it," she answered as she pushed him from the room toward the elevator. Every staff member at the nurse's station paused to watch them as they passed. Luckily, it didn't take long for the lift to reach them, and Neela hurried in just to escape their scrutiny. There was silence as they watched the numbers wind down on the display overhead.

"Neela?"

"Yes, Ray."

"Can we get a pizza on the way home?"

"Didn't you eat enough?" she asked in astonishment.

"I'm making up for lost time," he said, turning to give her his best pout.

"Fine. Sure," she said with a sigh.

He grinned and turned back around.

"Neela?"

"What?"

"Can we pick up a movie too?"

"Yes, Ray."

He paused.

"Neela?"

"What now?"

"Would you wear one of those little nurse's outfits around the house…"

He didn't even finish before she'd smacked him across the back of the head.

"Ow! There are laws against doctors abusing patients you know."

She grinned, as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Care to see me break them on a larger scale?"

"Not right now. Later maybe?"

She rolled her eyes, and turned back to watching the numbers over the door. Two passengers got on with them only to get off one floor down.

"Neela?"

"What is it, Ray?"

He hesitated and she glanced down, catching his reflection in the polished surface of the lift doors. He met her gaze.

"Thank you," he whispered so softly that she almost couldn't hear him. Had she not seen his lips shape the words, she very well might have. She smiled, blinking back tears.

"You're welcome," she whispered back just before the doors slid smoothly back to reveal a busy ER.

Neela pushed the chair through the hall, smiling at the greetings shouted at Ray.

"I think they missed me," he said surprised.

"Where are you going?" Abby called out, doing her best to catch up with them.

"Home," Ray said with a grin. "Neela's going to get me a pizza and a movie on the way." He was nearly bouncing with the exuberance of a four year old.

Abby raised an eyebrow and glanced at Neela who shrugged helplessly.

"Why didn't you ask for a puppy too? Or maybe a bright red lollypop?"

"Don't encourage him," Neela said. "You'll only make it worse."

"Ray! My man! Good to see you up and out."

Abby and Neela exchanged a long-suffering look and turned to find Morris approaching them.

"Uh…thanks."

"I was the one who saved your…"

"Shut up, Morris," Neela hissed.

"And Neela. Word has it you're moving back in with Ray." He grinned and glanced at Ray. "You lucky dog."

"Will you shut up?" Abby snapped.

Morris glanced between them. "Tag team action. I get it…"

"Shut up!" Neela and Abby cried in unison, earning several curious looks from those waiting in reception.

"All right!" Morris said backing away, his hands up to ward off the glares of the two women. "I have patients to save anyway. Sheesh!"

Abby looked at the ceiling for a moment as if searching for patience.

"If I wasn't pregnant," she said finally. "I'd kick his twitchy little ass."

Neela nodded and pushed Ray toward the door.

"I'll call you later," she called over her shoulder. She had better things to do than kick the crap out of Morris. She glanced down at the top of Ray's head.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked.

"More than ready." He paused before twisting his head around to look at her. "Was he really the one who worked on me?" he asked.

"He was one of the doctors," she answered absently, glancing around for a cab.

"Then it is a wonder that I'm not dead."

She couldn't help but laugh as she flagged down the first taxi she saw.


	11. Chapter 11

_Hello, everyone! Remember us? Well, if you don't then we don't blame you. It's been a looooong while since we updated this one. We hope you all think that it was worth the wait. As always, we hope that you'll let us know what you think of this chapter. We really do appreciate your input and kind words. Hopefully, we'll be able to update more often from now on. Take care all, and hope to hear from you soon._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

11

Neela sighed in weary relief as his building came into view. She never thought that stopping for pizza and a video could be so exhausting. She felt as if she'd run a marathon with no preparation. She glanced at Ray who was dozing in the seat beside her and bit her lip, ashamed of her selfish thoughts. If she felt tired, then he was purely exhausted.

He'd stubbornly refused to take the wheelchair into the video store, but after only a few minutes had been forced to sit down. Luckily, it was a rental place that he frequented often and the girl behind the counter knew him. She'd given up her seat, fussing over him as if he were a child. He'd grinned at Neela before acting as if he was on death's door, eating up the attention. Neela could only shake her head in disgust as she searched out the movies he'd chosen. She'd toyed with the idea of making him walk out by himself, but one look at his face had changed her mind. His face had gone white with strain and it was almost too much for him to just sit there. So, she'd helped him outside and into the waiting cab where he'd collapsed into the seat with a groan.

The pizza place had been little better. He'd agreed to use the chair, but she could see the effort it took to ignore the stares. She'd never considered that aspect of recovery before, but now it was hitting her full force. A wheelchair was notable, and apparently gave people free rein to be rude. She nearly lost her temper as one man asked her what had happened to her friend, as if Ray was mentally deficient. Without batting an eyelash, Ray had smiled and, looking at Neela, said, "I told you we shouldn't have had sex there." The man had quickly run off, shooting Neela a look of curious interest over his shoulder.

"I cannot believe you said that," she muttered, her face burning.

"What?" he'd asked innocently.

She smiled and shook her head as the taxi came to a halt at the curb. She paid the extortionate fare, biting back the urge to yell at the amount and shook Ray awake. He blinked a couple of times, his eyes darting around as he got his bearings.

"Jesus," he breathed as he scrubbed at this hair. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I fell asleep."

"Don't worry about it," she said kindly. "I understand. But we have bigger problems."

"Such as?" he asked as he gathered himself together.

"Such as how the bloody hell I'm going to get you upstairs?"

He gave her a dark look.

"The elevator's broken again isn't it?"

"In this place, who knows? I just don't think you can navigate the stairs yet."

He opened his mouth to speak when his door was wrenched open nearly spilling him out onto the curb. Ray cursed as Brett ducked down to look in the car.

"Let the party begin!" he said loudly as his eyes darted longingly over the pizza on the seat beside her. "We brought the beer, and I see you brought the pizza."

"Didn't you eat already?" she asked annoyed at being startled half to death.

"Yeah, but we could all eat more."

She rolled her eyes at him, holding back her exasperation. She took back everything she'd thought about being glad to see him. He was and always would be a pain in her backside.

"We thought we'd help get your stuff up to the apartment," he said with a grin as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. "We were wondering what was taking so long."

"How did you get in?" she asked.

"I still have a key. What? Did you think we broke in?"

Ray snorted.

"I wouldn't put it past you," he said under his breath.

"I heard that," Brett said cheerfully. "And I'm hurt that you would think that about me."

"What about Kelly what's-her-name? You didn't exactly have her permission…"

"Good God, you two are like children! Neela broke in. "Can we just go upstairs please?"

"We already moved around some of the furniture so Captain America here could get around without killing himself."

She opened her mouth but closed it again just as quickly. Anything she was likely to say would simply encourage him. She didn't know whether to be irritated or grateful to him for what he'd done. He was one of those people that seemed to bring out both emotions in her without any effort at all.

"Will you lay off with the super hero crap, Brett?" Ray grumbled as he struggled to pull himself from the car. Brett took his arm to steady him as Neela scooted out behind him.

"Nope. You're the only real hero I know, so I have to make a big deal out of it," Brett said without remorse. His words were typical Brett, lightly poking fun at everything, but the look in his eyes as he glanced at Neela was worried. Even the short time Ray had been up had taken its toll on him. She shook her head almost imperceptibly but Brett got the message. It would be a while before Ray was back in fighting shape, but he would get there. She was going to make sure of it.

"We should probably go up," she said, turning toward the trunk of the cab where the driver was unloading Ray's bag, guitar, and the wheelchair. To her surprise, Nick and Ben were already there, popping up out of nowhere to sling the items over their shoulders and carry the wheelchair between them. She gave them a thankful smile, and they grinned, heading back into the building with their burdens. Turning, she found that Brett had already guided Ray up to the door. She sighed and followed, wondering how soon she could kick them all out without seeming ungracious.

It was painful to watch Ray as he moved slowly up the steps. Brett bullied him the whole way, taking potshots at him that, from anyone else, would have seemed like cruel insults. Neela ground her teeth but said nothing. She could see in Brett's eyes the worry he felt at seeing his friend so diminished, and knew that it was just his way of coping. It was also one of the few ways she could think of to get Ray to work harder. No one, not Brett or anyone else was going to insult him and get away with it. Neela couldn't help but feel better each time he lobbed insults right back at Brett until they had reached the right floor. Even so, by the time they got to the apartment, sweat had broken out on Ray's forehead and he was pale.

Brett waited until she had opened the door and nearly carried Ray into the apartment. Ray felt like an ass, having to lean on Brett just to go up some steps, but he was at his limit. The only thing that had kept him from going down was Brett's constant cajoling and knowing that Neela was watching. He didn't want her to worry about him. He wanted to get his strength back for her, and the first step was to at least attempt the stairs. But by the time he was in the apartment, he was done in. He had nothing left and was glad that Brett was there to help him.

"Sit down before you fall down," Brett said, dropping Ray onto the sofa. "Jesus, you're heavy!"

"No one asked you to carry me. You did that all on your own," Ray said, blowing out a breath in relief.

Brett scratched his eyebrow with his middle finger and glanced around. The boys were already arranged around the room, beers in hand, loafing on every available surface, from the sofa and chair to the coffee table and floor. Matt was nodding into his beer, struggling to stay awake. Brett shook his head and flopped down next to Ray on the sofa. He glanced back as Neela shut the door and cast a sullen gaze across them all.

"Nothing changes does it?" she asked with mock indignation, her sharp eyes missing nothing.

"Some things do," Brett said. "This place sure as hell changed. Who cleaned for you, Barnett? When we got here we about fell over and died. I thought I'd broken into the wrong place."

Ray glanced at Neela and felt his face heat up as she arched an eyebrow.

"I cleaned up a little," he muttered, embarrassed. Leave it to Brett to hone in on one of the few things that he did not want to talk about at the moment.

"A little! Hell, I thought maybe Dr. Neela came over with a bulldozer to clean up this place." He glanced back at Neela and grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. "Although the thought of her in one of those little maid outfits has definite appeal."

Ray's heart did a painful somersault in his chest at the mental image that provoked. The thought of her in one of those skimpy little… He cleared his throat and elbowed Brett in the ribs. He didn't dare look at Neela or else he would embarrass himself.

"Keep at it, Brett, and you'll find yourself missing vital pieces of anatomy," she said as she headed for the kitchen with the pizza.

Brett grinned and glanced at Ray who only shook his head.

"I'd listen to her, man. She's in surgery now."

Brett cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably as Nick and Ben laughed, startling Matt from his drunken doze. Brett ignored them and gave Ray a meaningful look. Ray tensed wondering what the hell was up now.

"Did you talk to her yet?" he asked in a low voice.

"I haven't had time," Ray said defensively. "There's been too much going on…"

Brett made a face.

"You're such a terrible liar," he said in disgust. "You're just putting it off. You could have said something on the way home."

"We had other things to do," he said, wondering how it had suddenly become a let's-give-Ray-shit day.

"Too much to say, 'By the way, Neela, I love you'?" Brett asked under his breath, having just enough tact to keep his voice down so she wouldn't hear.

"Jesus, Ray, we thought you would have told her by now," Ben cut in loudly, either too drunk or too dense to take the hint. He grunted in indignation, shoving at Nick's foot when Nick kicked him.

"Told her what?" Neela said as she came from the kitchen carrying a beer. She eyed Ben and Nick suspiciously as they both avoided her gaze. Her glare settled on Matt, but he just blinked owlishly back, his bloodshot eyes telling a tale of too many drinks already pickling his brain. It would be a miracle if he even understood English at the moment. Finally she looked at Brett, crossing her arms over her chest in a way Ray knew all too well. "I'm waiting," she said implacably.

"Told you that he wanted you to chuck the maid outfit and get one of those cute little nurse get ups…OW!" he finished as her hand flashed out to catch him on the back of the head. He gave Ray a look of exasperation. "Are you going to let her do that to me?"

"She already slapped me once today," Ray said without sympathy. "The only thing I can tell you is don't pass out here."

Neela grinned.

"I have a scalpel around here somewhere," she said, glancing around. "Now where did I leave it..?"

Brett threw up his hands as if to ward her off.

"Fine, Doctor Neela. I'm sorry." He glanced at the beer she held in her hands and gave his best pout. "Is that for me?"

Neela struggled with her smile. How these men could have gotten to the ages they were without every really growing up was beyond her. Bloody Peter Pan syndrome. But they were amusing at times. She finally let her grin break free and handed the beer to Ray.

"Only one," she said sternly. "I don't want you dying on me because of some reaction with your meds."

"Thanks," he said quietly, his eyes finally resting on her. She swallowed hard at the look in his eyes. She really could get lost in those eyes if only he could give her the chance…She cut off the thoughts that swirled in her brain and managed a bright smile.

"Pizza's ready whenever you are," she said to them. "I'll bring you some in a minute," she told Ray. "I only hope you don't pop."

Brett laughed as she turned and went back to the kitchen, listening as they talked.

She refused to contemplate what it was that Ray should have told her. The half heard conversation and their subsequent bizarre avoidance of her question were preying on her. Had he told Brett that he wished she would just go? Did he want her to stay? Perhaps on a more permanent basis? There were many things she wanted to know, but knowing Brett and his twisted sense of humor, it could have been just as he'd said. She shook her head, her mind distracted. She hadn't thought that it would feel so…so normal being back here. After all that had happened, she could barely believe that they could fall right back into the same old patterns. The boys scattered all over the place, swilling beer and making noise. She, listening in shocked amazement at some of the things that would spout from their mouths. And Ray, in the middle of it all, holding it all together because, deep down, he was the reason they were there at all.

She forced a smile and turned to watch him from where she stood. He still looked tired. Still looked too thin for his own good, but she could not deny the spark in his green-gold eyes as he talked with his friends. But would that spark remain for her? She didn't know, and suddenly didn't care. She would love him no matter what he felt for her.

Now, she only wished that they could be alone so she could finally tell him all that she'd been thinking of for the past weeks. It was far past time.

For both of them.


	12. Chapter 12

_We want to thank everyone who has read and/or reviewed the past chapters of this story. We truly do appreciate all the input you've given, and the wonderful comments calling for MORE MORE! It truly is gratifying to a writer(s) to know that someone likes their work. So thank you, all. Now, with no more ado, we give you Chapter Twelve._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

12

She made them leave before nine that night. She could see by the look on Ray's face that he was beyond exhaustion. She didn't blame him one bit. She was completely healthy and Brett alone could drain her. Add three more and it was enough to make anyone want to slip into a coma. She expected them to throw a fit when she finally put her foot down, but they didn't. Matt protested, but in drunken monosyllables that only the very sotted would understand with any clarity. Nick and Ben got him out into the hall without too much trouble. He wasn't certain where he was to begin with.

Brett paused for only a minute, leaning down to give Ray another awkward hug before turning to her.

"Take care of him," he said under his breath, his eyes dark with conviction before he gave her a rib-cracking hug. With a promise to come back the next day, he was gone, closing the door behind him quietly. She could only stare at the closed door in astonishment. That had almost been too easy.

She knelt down in front of Ray, her eyes never leaving his face. She sighed inwardly. She had wanted to talk to him tonight, to tell him everything that was in her heart, but she could see that even now was not the time. His eyes were ringed with dark bruise colored rings, and he was still too wan for her liking. He could barely keep his eyes open, though he was giving a noble effort to try.

"Are you all right?" she asked, taking his wrist to check his pulse.

He pulled his hand away and gave her a reproving look.

"I'm just tired, Neela. I'm not sick."

She blew out a breath and swallowed down the scathing remark that hovered just behind her lips. She was there to make certain that he wasn't relapsing. She had a job to do. Her personal feelings only strengthened her resolve to do her job right.

Ray grimaced, cursing himself inwardly when her jaw tightened in irritation. He hadn't meant to sound so…ungrateful. It just grated on his nerves that he had so much he wanted to do, and just didn't seem to have the strength to do any of it. He wanted to talk to her, tell her that he loved her as Brett so tactlessly had put it. He wanted to draw her into his arms and never let her go. He wanted to erase the pain he sometimes saw in her eyes when she thought he wasn't looking. But he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

He tried to push himself from the couch, but fell back when his muscles protested. Christ! He felt like he'd been lifting weights all day without a break. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this sore. Gritting his teeth, he tried again, but still couldn't make it. He shot her a dark look when she held out a pill and a glass of water.

"Just a little something for the pain," she said. "By the time I get done with you, you'll wish you had more."

He scowled, knowing exactly what she meant by that. His muscles had started to atrophy during his coma, and he was almost as helpless as a newborn. Couple that with the weight loss from no substantial food, and even he couldn't deny that he had no reserves to fall back on. He'd have to deal with the pain meds for a while.

"I hate taking this crap," he said sullenly as he popped the pill in his mouth and downed it with water.

"You don't have to, you know," she said with a smile. "You could just suffer like the stubborn male that you are."

He looked up at her in surprise and couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her smile. He glanced away toward his room and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I hate to ask you this, but can you get me to bed? I don't know if I'll make it."

"All I can do is try," she said rising to her feet. "If we both fall on our heads, don't blame me."

He held out both his hands and pushed out his bottom lip like a toddler begging for sweets. She had to laugh at him as she took his hands and pulled. After a few tugs, a near fall, and a heavy groan from him, she finally got him to his feet and headed in the general direction of his room.

"Bloody hell, Brett was right," she panted. "You are heavy."

"I could have made it myself," he said, leaning heavily against her. She gave him a look that said she didn't believe him for a minute, but he'd been no more than truthful. He might have been unsteady, but just thinking of her pressed against him as he wove his way to the bedroom was enough to make him tell just this one little white lie. _What guy wouldn't_, he thought as he looked down at her.

Her face was flushed with exertion, and when she bit her lip, he almost moaned at the sight. He'd been dreaming of having her all to himself for so long, that he couldn't help but be affected when it was finally a reality. Now, if only he could get the stubborn words out, everything would be all right.

Maybe.

He fell with an exaggerated sigh onto the bed when she just let go of him unexpectedly. He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to hide the impact her heavy breathing was having on him.

"What happened to your bedside manner?" he teased. "Letting me just fall can't be standard hospital procedure."

"We're not in the hospital anymore are we?" she shot back, her eyes twinkling. "Besides, don't you know that surgeons don't have a bedside manner? It's not permitted."

"Well, if Albright is any indication, then I see your point."

They both fell silent, staring at each other as if waiting for the other to begin speaking. He couldn't help the wave of emotion that rose in him at the sight of her, framed in the doorway, the light behind her creating a nimbus around her hair. Ray felt the words he wanted to say gather at the back of his throat, but when he looked at her, he couldn't force them out. He didn't know what the hell was stopping him. It wasn't like he was afraid.

Was it?

He swallowed hard and opened his mouth to speak.

"Good night," he said softly and cursed himself for being such an ass. He doubly cursed when her face fell, and she turned toward the door, doing her best to hide her disappointment.

"Good night, Ray," she whispered, her voice sounding choked. She paused at the door and blew out a breath. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight in case you need anything," she said with her back to him. He grimaced at the hurt he heard from her. He tried again.

"Thank you, Neela. For everything," he said finally, failing yet again to get out what he wanted so desperately to say. She nodded and left the room, flipping off the light switch as she went.

He fell back on the bed with his hand over his eyes. What the hell was wrong with him? He should have just told her. To hell with the consequences. If she left…after, then there was nothing he could do about it. At least this time, she would be leaving with full knowledge of what he felt for her. He couldn't do any more than that. He couldn't make her love him. But, there was another part of him that still hurt over what had gone on between them. That part was still aching and wouldn't let him say the things he needed to say.

He knew that she had questions to ask him. He owed her explanations on a great many things, but he needed explanations from her too. The questions and uncertainties swirled around in his brain until pure exhaustion pulled him down into the depths.

Ray slept.

And began to dream.

000000

Neela lay awake on the couch, her mind awhirl with all that had happened that day. She was tired. More so than she would have thought possible, but she still couldn't relax enough to find true rest. She touched her eyelids with her fingertips, trying to ease the ache behind them.

She'd almost blurted out everything in his room just to lighten the burden in her mind. Then he'd said good night, as if he didn't want to hear it. Or maybe he was as tired as he'd let on. Maybe she was just deluding herself about the light she'd seen in his eyes when he had looked at her. Perhaps it was no more than wishful thinking on her part, and he was only tolerating her. Bullocks! If only she could be as brave as Abby seemed to think she was. She would have already said all of these things, and she could sleep easy knowing that she had at least told him the truth.

She didn't know how long she laid there, her thoughts turning in on her, threatening to eat her alive, destroying every chance she had to sleep. She very nearly missed the first low moan. Sitting up slowly, a frown creasing her brow, she cocked her head to listen. Nothing. The apartment was silent but for the creak and mutter of water pipes in the apartment above. She slid back down, her ears straining when the sound came again. This time, it was recognizable and distinctly louder.

Quickly, she threw the blanket to the floor and jumped to her feet, only to freeze in sudden fear. He'd cried out her name, but in no way she'd ever heard before. Especially not from him. His voice was urgent and tinged with desperate fear or agony, she couldn't tell which. Her breath hitched in her chest as her body broke out in goose flesh, and she fought with her fear. She felt almost like a child, terrified of the strange sounds coming from the dark, afraid of the bogeyman in the closet. But when he cried out her name again, she swallowed hard, and ran.

000000

_What the hell..? _was all Ray had time to think before all hell did break loose. His first instinct was to duck behind the counter, but realized suddenly that that was futile. The bullets were ripping through the flimsy wood without pause, blowing splinters free to fly across the floor and offering no protection whatsoever. He frantically scanned reception and froze. Abby was at the desk, ducking down behind the counter.

He didn't give it a second thought. Ray ran across reception toward Abby, trying to keep his head down as the bullets started flying in her direction. Christ! If she got hit then Luka would go insane. The board shattered around them as a stray bullet hit it, raining glass and debris down over them. He caught her as she fell, twisting his body to shield her from the majority of the shards.

He couldn't move fast enough to take the full impact of their fall, and he ended up landing right on top of her. He threw his hand over his head, trying at the same time to cover her too. After what seemed like an eternity, the sounds of gunfire ceased, and there was only the over whelming sound of silence before the screaming began.

Ray raised his head scanning the devastation around them. Christ, what a friggin mess. He snapped his head back to look down at Abby, praying that she was all right. His lungs seemed to freeze up and his eyes widened in fear. Lying on the floor beneath him wasn't Abby, but Neela…and she was bleeding.

"Neela!" he called out frantically as he checked her pulse. He swore harshly, his heart in his throat at the uneven beat beneath his fingers. He glanced down at the dress she was wearing and fresh fear pricked him at the spreading red stain. She was covered in blood. He looked down at his clothes and found that his clothes were soaked too. He touched his shirt and his fingers came away red. Blood. Neela's blood. Panic seized him, and he screamed out for someone to help him. Anyone. Turning his attention back to Neela, he called out her name, his voice growing hoarse with his panic.

Suddenly, hands seized his shoulders and began to shake him. He fought to push them away, but couldn't dislodge whoever it was. Dammit! He needed to save her. She was all he cared about…

"Ray, for the love of God, wake up!"

He snapped awake at the sound of her voice, his heart in his throat with the residual fear from his dream. He shoved himself up and looked around the room in a panic, for a moment almost expecting to see the reception area around him, littered with debris. But no, this was his room. His apartment. And Neela's hands were gently touching his face.

He turned to look at her and couldn't speak. Her eyes were dark with worry as she searched his eyes. Without thought, he reached out and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair. He was just so glad that he'd only been dreaming, that he no longer cared if she wasn't ready for him to state his feelings. He needed to hold her, to assure himself that it had only been a dream, that she was indeed alive and safe.

"I was…Jesus, Neela! The place was being blown away. And you…you were bleeding…"

"Shhh, I'm here," she said softly, her arms sliding around him, her hands stroking his hair. "It'll be all right," she murmured when he pulled her even closer, his arms nearly crushing the breath from her body. She didn't care if he broke a rib. She needed this just as much as he did. He'd scared her badly when he'd cried out her name as if the world was ending. She'd heard the cries of the bereaved before. She'd heard the screams of the dying while on ride-alongs. But the sound of his anguished cries would haunt her until the day she died. She had never heard anything so full of hopelessness, and doubted that she ever would again.

"I need to tell you something," she said softly. "But I need you to answer something first."

He pulled back only far enough to look down at her, his arms still holding her tightly against him. He closed his eyes as her hand stroked his cheek, wiping away the suspicious moisture there. He hadn't realized that he'd begun to cry in his sleep, but he couldn't be ashamed of it now. Not with her body melting into his and her hands on his face and in his hair. What else could he do but wait expectantly for her to speak?

"Why, Ray? Why was I your next of kin?"

He could only stare at her for a long moment, unsure of what to say. A hundred different explanations floated through his tired mind. He could tell her about his parents and the brother he'd lost in a car accident when he was eight. He could tell her about the family that he refused to acknowledge because they had turned their backs on him long ago. He could even tell her the same crap he'd spouted to Abby just that morning, that he had never thought he would need it. But none of that was the full truth.

"Because I love you," he said, finally telling the truth and shaming the devil. "Didn't you know that?"

Her eyes filled with tears before she closed them and lowered her head. He wiped away one stray tear that escaped, his heart thudding painfully against his ribs.

"I know that you aren't ready to hear this," he said when it became obvious that she wasn't going to say anything. "But I've loved you for so long that when you left it almost killed me. The only way I could deal with it was to write the music you found today. I know that this isn't what you want to hear…"

"You don't know everything," she said, her voice unsteady with tears as she finally raised her head to look into his eyes. Her lip quivered as her gaze followed the path her fingers made as they skimmed lightly over his cheek to his lips. She traced the outline of his lower lip, lingering there. Her mouth opened as if to speak, but instead, she leaned forward and kissed him as if her life depended on it.

Ray couldn't have been more surprised if she had simply slapped him, but this was infinitely sweeter than a blow. He groaned at the taste of her, devouring her just as surely as she did him, his hands tightening in the folds of her shirt, holding on for dear life. Her soft hair slid across his hands, teasing him to madness. He plundered her mouth with his tongue, taking his time to savor the feel of her, the taste of her, her unique scent. This was what he'd been dreaming of for so long, but his dreams could never do justice to the real flesh and blood woman in his arms. It was all he could do to hold back his desire for her. He didn't want to scare her off again, and he would die rather than hurt her.

He backed off a little to look down at her. Her eyes were heavy lidded with her own emotions, her lips kiss swollen and reddened. Gently, he tried to soothe her lip with a gentle caress of his thumb before his gaze returned to her eyes.

"Why did you wait for me, Neela?" he rasped out, his voice sounding rough even to his ears. He brushed back a stray hair from her face so he could see her eyes clearly when she answered. He wanted to see in her eyes her answer.

She gave him a small watery smile, leaning her head into his hand and covering it with her own.

"Because I love you," she whispered, her voice ending in a small sob. "Didn't you know that?"

He could not help but laugh softly at her. Leave it to her to tease him while she was making his most fantastic dream come true. With that, he lowered his head to show her exactly what he thought about that.


	13. Chapter 13

13

Ray lay quietly, listening to the sound of Neela's breathing as she slept. If anyone had told him months ago that he would be lying in his bed holding this woman, then he would have called them crazy. He had never imagined that this would actually happen. Not like this. Nor had he ever imagined the peace he would experience by simply holding her in his arms. It touched him all the way to his soul that she would fit him so perfectly. He tightened his arms around her, needing to feel the warmth of her body to assure himself that he wasn't dreaming this. It scared him to think that perhaps this wasn't real. That he was still lying in the hospital stuck in a coma.

"You should be sleeping," her voice whispered from the darkness, and he smiled.

"I know. But I don't want to."

She stirred in his embrace, turning over so she could face him. He could barely see her in the low light from the window, but there was a light in her eyes that seemed to brighten the room from within. It was enough. He'd not seen that spark of life in her since…

He didn't want to think of that time. The night she'd left had torn him apart and everything after had only prodded painfully at the wounds. He wasn't ready to deal with all of that yet. Not when she'd finally opened up to him. She would tell him all in her own time.

_What if she doesn't? _his mind whispered. _What if she leaves again?_

If she did, he wasn't sure that he would survive it, but wasn't this worth the risk? Wasn't having her with him worth the risk to his heart? He closed his eyes, relishing the silken feel of her hair as it brushed his cheek, letting the scent of her skin seep into him.

"You're thinking too hard," she said, resting her hand on his chest. He shivered at the contact.

"I'm just taking it all in," he said softly. "I don't know if I'm awake or still dreaming."

"You're awake," she assured him quietly. She sighed and closed her eyes, a small frown marring her features. "I…I've missed you."

Ray felt his heart thump in his chest as her confession rolled over him. She opened her eyes to look at him and a tear slid down her cheek to dampen the pillow. He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, wanting nothing more than to take away all the pain he saw in her eyes.

"I almost lost my mind when I came to the hospital that day. I was afraid…" She broke off and took a deep breath as if bracing herself for the worst. "I was afraid that I'd never get the chance to tell you how I felt. I was terrified that…that you would die without knowing how much I love you."

"I didn't know," he admitted. "I thought you wanted me to stay away. All I wanted was to be there for you. I wanted to help you, but you kept…" He blew out a breath before he started ranting. There was so much hurt, so many misunderstandings between them that it was hard not to bring all that out then and there. "I just wanted you to know that I was there," he finished.

"I'm so sorry, Ray. I never meant…"

"I know," he broke in, pulling her close. "We both made mistakes, Neela. I should have told you all of this a long time ago."

"I think I already knew," she sighed. "I saw it the night I left. I just wanted to do the right thing, Ray. I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to hurt Michael. But it was bound to happen no matter what. I've felt so guilty for so long, Ray. Not only for what I did to you, but for what I did to him. I fell in love with another man while I was still married." She shook her head, avoiding his eyes. "I sometimes wonder if he knew what I was feeling. I sometimes wonder if that's why he left."

"He knew," Ray said without thinking. He felt his heart leap into his throat when she pulled away to give him a wide-eyed look.

"And how would you know that?" she asked tightly.

Ray looked away and rolled onto his back. His head was starting to pound and he closed his eyes against the pain. Voices echoed through his head, distant but clear, and he pressed his fingertips to his temples. Gallant's voice saying things that Ray had never thought could happen. And behind his eyes, he could see Gallant's mocking smile…

"What is it, Ray? Why did you say that?" she asked sharply, gripping his arm to force him to look at her. "Did Michael say something to you before he left?"

"Not before he left," Ray said faintly, shaking his head. "But I had a dream…"

"What sort of dream?"

Ray glanced at her in surprise at the tightness in her voice. He narrowed his eyes.

"It's more like a memory. Something that actually happened. But that's not possible. It's crazy…"

"Tell me."

"I saw Gal…Michael. When I was in the OR I think. I remember seeing them working on me. And he told me…things about you. And me."

She searched his eyes for a moment before pushing up to lean on her elbow.

"You're not joking are you?" she asked breathlessly.

"No. But that's insane," he rubbed his face with his hands wishing he could rub away the memory of Gallant in his head. He'd wanted to keep that part to himself. He hadn't wanted to hurt her any more than she already was. Not to mention, why would she believe him anyway? Then he stopped and looked at her, his eyes widening. She wasn't laughing at him. She wasn't telling him that she didn't believe a word of it, that he was lying. If fact, she looked almost as if…

"He came to you," Ray whispered in shock. "He talked to you too."

She nodded, her eyes focused on something distant.

"Abby almost had me convinced that it was nothing more than my subconscious telling me that it was all right to move on." She winced. "But this is madness, Ray…"

"Tell me about the video tape," Ray said suddenly. "He told me that he gave you a video tape."

Her eyes sharpened and snapped to his face. Even in the low light, he could see the color drain from her face as alarm kicked in.

"What did you say?"

"The video tape. He told me…"

"Oh my God!" she whispered, covering her face with her hands. "I cannot believe this is actually happening…" A small sob escaped her, and he pushed himself up to take her in his arms.

"Tell me," he ordered quietly. Though he was mostly relieved that he wasn't about to enter the nuthouse, he'd never wanted it to be at her expense. But now that he had her talking, he didn't want her to stop. She'd carried all this for too long all alone. He was here now, and he would honor his promise. Even if it was to a dead man. He would take care of her whether she wanted it or not. There was no other choice. He loved her too damn much.

"He left a tape for me," she said, her voice unsteady. "Telling me his wishes for me should…should anything happen to him. He wanted me to fall in love again. Have children." She drew a deep breath, burrowing her head into Ray's chest. "He wanted me to be happy."

Ray closed his eyes as the memory of those words crashed through his skull like thunder across the lake.

"_I do want her to move on…It's what they're meant to do…"_

"Are you all right, Ray?"

Her worried voice cut through the haze of pain that engulfed him, and he nodded. He'd come so close. So damn close to losing everything. It scared him that he'd nearly let this all slip away.

"Did he tell you the same thing in your dream?" he asked.

She sniffed.

"Yes." She lifted her head to look at him. Her eyes were dark, liquid pools that he could happily drown in for the rest of his life. "He told me that you needed me."

Ray smiled and tightened his grip on her, enjoying the feel of her arms sliding around him.

"That goes without saying," he said with a small laugh.

"And he told me that I needed you."

Ray stilled waiting with baited breath for her to continue. His heart was beating too hard, pounding the blood through his body until her could hear nothing else. He took a breath and blew it out.

"Was…was he right?" he finally asked.

Her arms tightened around him as she lifted her head to kiss him. It was a devouring kiss, as if she were starving for him, and he could do nothing but return her kiss with just as much hunger. She broke off abruptly, resting her forehead against his.

"Ray, I've never needed anything or anyone more than I need you."

Which was all he'd ever hoped to hear.

And when they finally lay back on the pillows, and she had again fallen into a deep sleep, Ray stayed awake for a long time thinking about all that had happened.

It had never before occurred to him what happened after death. As a doctor, he was witness to death every day. He fought it with everything he had, never considering what happened after. He'd never felt the passage of a soul or seen the grim reaper appear. But now, he wondered about it. It was simply too much of a coincidence that both of them had seen Gallant in their dreams. There may have been reason for Neela, but him? That simply wasn't possible.

Unless it was a true visitation.

Ray sighed and looked down at the woman who slept beside him. Visitation, psychosis, mass hallucination, he didn't care. It had brought them here and that was all that mattered. He'd nearly lost everything, his life, his love…everything without ever realizing just how precious it was. Now, he knew, and he wasn't about to destroy it worrying about the why's and wherefore's. He was through with that. He would do whatever it took to love her the way she deserved.

He closed his eyes and, as he fell asleep, listened to the sound of Gallant's voice.

_Take care of her, Doc Rock._

_00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

**_Author's Note: This is the end, friends. We hope that it lived up to your expectations, for it certainly lived up to ours. We want to thank all of you for the kind words and support while we wrote this. We know that it took a while, but all good things...We do hope that you will let us know what you thought if this. We truly appreciate your comments. :D Until later..._**

**_We are yours,_**

**_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_**


End file.
